This is a difficult choice, I am nobody special, I do not carry because of where I live, my opinion is 10mm, but there is nothing wrong with choosing 45.
For the best of both world's buy a G21 and buy an extra slide, a G20 slide.
Or vice-a-versa.
The pro for 45 ACP is, you start with a larger diameter bullet, and end up with a larger diameter expanded bullet. Recoil is OK. Velocity is ideal for suppressor use.
Now for 10mm.
Flatter trajectory for distance. But, not needed for self defense. I just don't see ordinary people shooting at each other at 50 yards.
Can get conversion barrels for 357 Sig and 40SW, but not important.
If I were to move to a pro carry state, I would have a spare mag with high penetrating rounds. If the first mag does not stop the threat to my life, maybe it is because the enemy is behind a good barrier.
So, 1 mag of 10mm HST, a spare mag with 10mm underwood.
Or 1 mag of 45 HST, a spare mag of Buffalo Bore 45 Super.
I once played with getting a G21 to work reliably with both 45 ACP and 45 Super, and I could not find a configuration with high reliability with both.
Stock G20 can do both. Maybe stiffer recoil spring is best if going to shoot full power 10mm regularly, but standard recoil spring worked OK.
So, I will prefer 10mm for readily switching between FBI specs tested ammunition and underwood hunting barrier blind ammunition.
Keep in mind 9mm will work for most people in most circumstances, but you did not ask about 9mm.
My opinion