Zen for the Modern World

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Gunrnr, Jun 26, 2002.

  1. Gunrnr

    Gunrnr Senior Goofoff Millennium Member

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    Oct 31, 1999
    Land of Enchantment
    Your Daily Moment of Zen
    (Modified to reflect contemporary wisdom):

    1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not
    walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk
    beside me either. Just leave me the hell alone.

    2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken
    fan belt and a leaky tire.

    3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going
    to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to
    do it.

    4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't
    getting any.

    5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you
    can't be promoted.

    6. No one is listening until you fart.

    7. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

    8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

    9. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try
    missing a couple of car payments.

    10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile
    in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them,
    you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

    11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

    12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach
    him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink
    beer all day.

    13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person
    again, it was probably worth it.

    14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember

    15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the

    16. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

    17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot
    of that comes from bad judgment.

    18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it
    in half and put it back in your pocket.

    19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

    20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and
    a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

    21. There are two theories to arguing with women.
    Neither one works.

    22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when
    your lips are moving.

    23. Experience is something you don't get until just
    after you need it.

    24. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

    25. We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped
    on our ass ... then things get worse.

    26. The most wasted day of all is one in which we have not laughed.
  2. fastvfr

    fastvfr Ancient Tech

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    Mar 28, 2001
    SW Oregon

    Lotsa good ones in there!!!



  3. Steve Koski

    Steve Koski Got Insurance? Millennium Member

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    Jan 31, 1999
    The wife and I chuckled at a few of those. Thanks!
  4. igrp

    igrp ut supra

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    May 6, 2002
    The Sunshine State
    Actually, depending on how you look at it there's a lot of thruth in those. :) Still LPH (laughing pretty hard) at some of those. Thanks. :)