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You'll enjoy this if you're Italian in Blood or in Heart....

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Eddie C., Mar 10, 2003.

  1. Eddie C.

    Eddie C. Administrator Moderator CLM

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    I thought you'd get a kick out of these. It was sent to me by an old Italian girlfriend:

    (These are precious & oh, so true! Enjoy)
    If at least some these don't sound familiar, you're not really
    Italian..........
    You have at least one relative who wore a black dress every day for an entire year after a funeral.
    You spent your entire childhood thinking what you ate for lunch was
    pronounced "sangwich."
    Your family dog understood Italian.
    Every Sunday afternoon of your childhood was spent visiting your
    grandparents and extended family.
    You've experienced the phenomena of 150 people fitting into 50 square feet of yard during a family cookout.
    You were surprised to discover the FDA recommends you eat three meals a day, not seven.
    You ate pasta for dinner at least three times a week, and every Sunday.
    You grew up thinking no fruit or vegetable had a fixed price and that the price of everything was negotiable through haggling.
    You watched Lawrence Welk and Ed Sullivan every Sunday night.
    You were as tall as your grandmother by the age of seven.
    You thought everyone's last name ended in a vowel.
    You thought nylons were supposed to be worn rolled to the ankles.
    You were surprised to find out that wine was actually sold in stores.
    You never ate meat on Christmas Eve or any Friday for that matter.
    You ate your salad after the main course.
    You thought Catholic was the only religion in the world.
    Your were beaten at least once with a wooden spoon.
    You thought every meal had to be eaten with a hunk of bread in your left hand.
    You learned to play bocce before you went to school.
    You can understand Italian but you can't speak it.
    You have at least one relative who came over on the boat.
    You grew up calling the bathroom the baccausa. And you only had one!
    You were surprised to learn most kitchen utensils had another name which didn't end in a vowel.
    All of your uncles fought in a World War.
    You have at least six male relatives named Tony, Frankie, Joey or Louie.
    You have relatives who aren't really your relatives.
    You have relatives you don't speak to.
    You drank wine before you were a teenager.
    You relate on some level, admit it, to the Godfather and the Sopranos.
    You grew up in a house with a yard that didn't have one patch of dirt that didn't have a flower or a vegetable growing out of it.
    Your grandparent's furniture was as comfortable as sitting on plastic. Wait!!!! You were sitting on plastic!
    You thought that talking loud was normal.
    You thought cookie cakes and the Tarantella were common at all weddings.
    You thought everyone got pinched on the cheeks and money stuffed in
    their pockets by their relatives.
    Your mother is overly protective of the males in the family no matter what their age.
    Every lunchmeat you ate ended in a vowel.
    There was a crucifix in every room of the house, including the cellar.
    There was a saint somewhere in the yard.
    Boys didn't do house work because it was women's work.
    You couldn't date a boy without getting approval from your father.
    You know what lemon ice is.
    Your Christmas tree was silver.
    You called pasta macaroni.
    You have at least one irrational fear or phobia that can be attributed to your mother.
    Those of you who get this...KNOW who to pass it on to!!!! This is great!
    Eddie C.;f ;f ;f
     
  2. joegerardi

    joegerardi Lifetime Member Millennium Member

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    Lordy, I can't believe how many of those apply to me:
     

  3. Ninj500

    Ninj500

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    Amazing how close to home this hit. Remember Moonstruck? That's my family.
     
  4. Tptoe

    Tptoe

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    Eddie: Yea .. you got it. :)
     
  5. MooseJaw

    MooseJaw NRA Lifer CLM

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    Yo, Eddie..

    We'z related, eh.. Gumbah!!;S ;+ ;S

    Ciao!



    ;W Grazzi, for esplainin' da mysteries of Life..

    To your Health.. ;Y
     
  6. mally_b

    mally_b Lost

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    Some times darkness is safe
    What if your not Italian and 90% of the list applies to you?;f
     
  7. Rally Vincent

    Rally Vincent Bipolar

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    BTW Where does Italy stand on us going to war with Iraq?
     
  8. pizzaaguy

    pizzaaguy

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    Eddie C....
    here are a few more!

    Did you call pasta sauce GRAVY!
    Have you had pepperoni and bread for breakfast?
    Mom made the best "sun" tea!
    Did you live in the basement? Was your upstairs living room a museum?
    In what part of your yard was the bird bath located?
    You had to weed the tomato garden.
    Who wore the biggest gold chain in your family?
    The uncle with the hairiest chest never wore a shirt?
    Most people never knew that olive oil came in tins that big!
    Your cheese and meat was found hanging from the deli ceiling.
    Your parent's car probably had more wax than paint.
     
  9. Rob61

    Rob61 Read the sign..

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    Actually Italy stands where it is supposed to be. In other words Silvio Berlusconi (and of course myself) is close to the US.
     
  10. Patricia

    Patricia Wild at heart CLM Millennium Member

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    Eddie sent this to me in an email and I laughed myself silly while reading it. It was scary how many of those applied to my family. I had Jeff read it and he said, "Well, I don't know about any of the other stuff, but I sure know about the being loud part". You Italian decent folks will be happy to know that I whacked him with a nice salami. ;f

    I forwarded this to my Mom and she called me the next day, alternately laughing and crying. It struck home to her even more and reminded her so much of her parents. They both died when I was a baby but I love hearing stories about them. They were both right off the boat and we so proud to be raising their children in this country. They kept their traditions alive, but made it clear that this was their country now.
     
  11. Guest

    While my family isn't Italian, my father did grow up in an Italian neighborhood in Queens, NY. Compound that with the fact that my family is Catholic, and I'm amazed at how many of those apply to us as well.

    DANG, that's scary.
     
  12. Eddie C.

    Eddie C. Administrator Moderator CLM

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    I sent this to Sidearmor and she told me to post it here for others to enjoy.
    Pizzaguy, I married an Irish girl who's mother is Irish to the bone. Her mother could never understand how we cooked so much for the holiday meal. We're always ribbing each other about our heritage. She still gets on me for calling it "gravy". She says "gravy is brown." Her favorite holiday besides Christmas is St. Patrick's Day. She gets on me about all the cooking we do and I tell her "Okay, then take me to a fine Irish restaurant." I'll then say "Oh, there aren't any of those are there? They only have bars and pubs!" We have a good time ribbing each other. It's so funny to see me at the Gaelic American Club in Fairfield, CT. Here's this guinea in a sea of red haired people. They always ask me "What are you doing here?" I always tell them "Somebodies gotta cook while you guys are drinking!"(lol) I love 'em anyway. My mother-in-law is great too. I'm pretty lucky she's allright for a "Mick!" Bwahahahahahaha. I tell her that too! Eddie C.;f ;f ;f
     
  13. joegerardi

    joegerardi Lifetime Member Millennium Member

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    Eddie:
    Do NOT forget to tell all those Irish one irrefutable fact:

    St. Patrick was Italian!
    (His real name was Patricus.)

    Patricia:
    Please tell me that the salami had been hanging, and had the density of concrete...

    ..Joe

    PS: Are you out of Foxes yet?
     
  14. cowboywannabe

    cowboywannabe you savvy?

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    you forgot, that when you were being told some words of wisdom, you had a finger being lovingly waved in your face and you got a little smack on the cheek for each sylabol at the end!!

    when ever someone dead was mentioned, the crusafix was drawn and "god rest his soul" was said in the middle of the sentence.

    you had an uncle that always, i mean always gave you a fake gut shot when he saw you.

    you got those pastel colored, candy coated almonds wrapped in a thin white mesh at Easter.

    man, there are so many, it brings back memories.....

    oh, yeah, you always had an uncle that wanted to sing "volari" at every get togather or resturant karioki.

    its countless......... thanks for the laugh EddieC.