"You Know You're at Home in Arizona When..." You can say 115 degrees without fainting You can be in the snow, then drive for an hour and it will be over 100 degrees. You notice your car overheating before you drive it. You have to go to a fake beach for some fake waves. You discover, in July, that it only takes two fingers to drive your car. You can make sun tea instantly. You run your air conditioner in the middle of winter so you can use your fireplace. You can say Hohokam and people don't think you're laughing funny. You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water. You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance. You see more irrigation water on the street than there is in the Salt River. You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink. You realize that Valley Fever isn't a disco dance. Also, You can tell you're in Arizona when: The reporters, trying to prove a point, actually BURN the egg they're cooking on the sidewalk. Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one. You can pronounce the words: "Saguaro," "Tempe," "Gila Bend," "San Xavier," "Canyon de Chelly," Mogollon Rim," "Cholla," and "Tlaquepaque." It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is moving on the streets. You actually burn your hand opening the car door. You give up on the idea of washing your car until October, because the dust storms will just get it dirty again anyway. You know what a dust devil is. Umbrellas are not for rain. In fact, they aren't waterproof. Sunscreen is sold year round, kept at the front of the checkout counter, a formula less the 30spf is a joke, and you wear it just to go to Circle K. You know the real name of the Phoenix daily newspapers (Repugnant & Gazoo). Some fool can market minimisters for joggers and some other fools will actually buy them. Eight Scottish bagpipers from Canada, dressed in full regalia, pass out from heat prostration in February. A parade for the Phoenix Suns is held at 12:00 noon in June and 500,000 people turn out in 110 degree weather. Hot air balloons can't go up, because the air outside is hotter than the air inside. A main form of recreation for teenagers is ice blocking down hills. No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car. Convertibles are not a status symbol--They are a sign of blind vanity. You can understand the reason for a town named "Why."