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You Know You'r A Redneck 2003 Edition

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by scooterbear, Mar 4, 2003.

  1. scooterbear

    scooterbear

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    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2002
    Location:
    Summit, MS
    YOU KNOW YOU'RE A

    REDNECK WHEN

    2003 EDITION


    1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

    2. You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly
    swatter.

    3. Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.

    4. Your boat has not left the yard in 15 years.

    5. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

    6. You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high
    dive.

    7. The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

    8. Your entire family sat around waiting for a call from the
    Governor to spare a loved one.

    9. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and
    they don't want it.

    10. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

    11. You come back from the dump with more than you took.

    12. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

    13. Your grandmother has "Ammo" on her Christmas list.

    14. You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.

    15. You've bathed with flea and tick soap.

    16. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

    17. Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.

    18. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

    19. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

    20. You have a rag for a gas cap.

    21. Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.

    22. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so
    clean.

    23. You can spit without opening your mouth.

    24. You consider your license plate personalized because your
    father made it.

    25. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

    26. You sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to fill your deer
    quota.

    27. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say
    "Cool Whip" on the side.

    28. The biggest city you've ever been to is Walmart.

    29. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

    30. You thought the Unabomber was a wrestler.

    31. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

    32. You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart.

    33. Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always
    brings you home.

    34. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 worth
    of improvements.

    35. You've used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.

    36. You've asked the preacher "How's it hangin'?"

    37. You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.

    38. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.
    ;e
     
  2. Shag633

    Shag633

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    Joined:
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    Location:
    Federal Way, WA
    What's an ironing board??;)
     

  3. jhfenton

    jhfenton Evil Marathoner

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    Location:
    Norwood, Ohio
    Sadly, in Ohio, you have to use a bow on Christmas. But unless your house is very large, the shot shouldn't be too far.

    Deer gun season is early in December, and primitive gun season usually starts right after Christmas. Archery season, though, runs from October to January.
     
  4. jhfenton

    jhfenton Evil Marathoner

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    Joined:
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    Location:
    Norwood, Ohio
    (Missed this one the first time through.) Looking in my cupboard, there are "Cool Whip," "Parkay," and large pineapple sorbet bowls. Some of the "Cool Whip" bowls were actually store-brand whipped topping.