close

Privacy guaranteed - Your email is not shared with anyone.

YOu know you are Italian...

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by LewisQ, Sep 3, 2003.

  1. LewisQ

    LewisQ 357SIG/10mm

    Messages:
    214
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    May 23, 2002
    Location:
    Las Vegas, NV
    Why do Italians hate Jehovah's Witnesses?

    Italians hate all witnesses.


    Do you know why most men from Italy are named Tony?
    On the boat over to America they put a sticker on them that said -
    TO NY.


    You know you're Italian when . . . . You can bench press 325 pounds,
    shave twice a day and still cry when your mother yells at you.


    You carry your lunch in a produce bag because you can't fit two
    cappicola sandwiches, 4 oranges, 2 bananas and pizzelles into a regular
    lunch bag.


    Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant, travel agent and
    lawyer are all your cousins.


    You have at least 5 cousins living in the same town or street. All
    five of those cousins are named after your grandfather or grandmother.


    You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners.


    You only get one good shave from a disposable razor.


    If someone in your family grows beyond 5' 9", it is presumed
    his mother had an affair.

    There are more than 28 people in your bridal party.

    You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.


    And you REALLY, REALLY know you're Italian when:


    * Your grandfather had a fig tree.

    * You eat Sunday dinner at 2:00.

    * Christmas Eve . . . only fish.

    * Your mom's meatballs are the best.

    * You've been hit with a wooden spoon or had a shoe thrown at you.

    * Plastic on the furniture is normal.

    * You know how to pronounce "manicotti" and "mozzarella."

    * You fight over whether it's called "sauce" or "gravy."

    * You've called someone a "mamaluke."
     
  2. Fraser

    Fraser Millennium Member

    Messages:
    173
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Dec 19, 1998
    I love it!

    Since 1/3 of New Jersey is of Italian descent I can forward this to 3 million people.

    You gotta' problem wit dat?
     

  3. joegerardi

    joegerardi Lifetime Member Millennium Member

    Messages:
    351
    Likes Received:
    3
    Joined:
    May 18, 1999
    Location:
    Savannah, GA, USA
    * Your grandfather had a fig tree.
    No, but he came from an olive and fig farm in Sicily. That count?

    * You eat Sunday dinner at 2:00.
    All my life.

    * Christmas Eve . . . only fish.
    All my life.

    * Your mom's meatballs are the best.
    Actually, my father's are the best.

    * You've been hit with a wooden spoon or had a shoe thrown at you.
    Yes, and yes.

    * Plastic on the furniture is normal.
    Not in my house, but at my uncle Paul's, my uncle Jim's my uncle Ernie's and my uncle Nick's houses...

    * You know how to pronounce "manicotti" and "mozzarella."
    There IS only one way.

    * You fight over whether it's called "sauce" or "gravy."
    No fight. It's GRAVY.

    * You've called someone a "mamaluke." And a "braciole."

    ..Joe
     
  4. Penman

    Penman Goauche User

    Messages:
    387
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2002
    Location:
    At the slant board
    You eat all your meals with a chunk of bread in your left hand.

    At the age of seven, you were as tall as your grandmother.
     
  5. whiskerz

    whiskerz

    Messages:
    358
    Likes Received:
    5
    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2000
    Location:
    ,ga. usa
    How do you tell "real" Italian spagetti ???
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    It goes WOP! when it hits the floor .......
     
  6. Ender

    Ender ComfortablyNumb

    Messages:
    5,220
    Likes Received:
    43
    Joined:
    May 20, 2001
    Location:
    Tactlessville
    *gag* funny, but...*gag*
     
  7. pizzaaguy

    pizzaaguy

    Messages:
    2,717
    Likes Received:
    2,775
    Joined:
    May 8, 2002
    Location:
    Central Florida
    You consider a cannoli dunked in espresso a nutritious breakfast.
    So is pepperoni, provolone and iced tea.

    A high-school diploma and one year of Nassau Community College have earned you the title of "Professore" among your aunts.

    You build your house with three materials: brick, brick, and wrought iron.

    You have at least one sister who went to beauty school.

    You have been to a funeral where talk of the deceased is, "He shoulda kept his big yap shut."

    If you shave your face, and you're a girl...damn straight, you're Italian.

    Despite the hair on your back, you still try to impress the ladies by
    wearing your "Just do me" tank top to the beach.

    You still wear see-through dress socks and pointy patent leather dress shoes to weddings.

    You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.

    At some point in your life, you were a D.J or mowed the lawns at your uncle's.

    You ask "How much for cash?" when buying but will accept 'gifts' in exchange for cash when selling.

    You always have a friend who 'owes you a favour'.


    ;f ;f
     
  8. Dennis in MA

    Dennis in MA Get off my lawn

    Messages:
    42,700
    Likes Received:
    2,825
    Joined:
    Aug 16, 2001
    Location:
    Taunton, MA
    HA! That's Irish too. My father's family had 4 cousins named Mary. Not ONE of them were Mary to anyone until after marriage took them out of the neighborhood.

    Ginger
    Cookie
    Cockie (Hey, it was the 40's.)
    ??? (Drawing a blank on #4)