Would you let your kids ruin your life?

Discussion in 'The Okie Corral' started by Hines57, Oct 17, 2010.

  1. Hines57

    Hines57 Simple Member

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    Backstory- My neighbor died of a heart attack recently. General consensus was that his daughter had a lot to do with his health problems. She is late twenties, moved back in with her parents because she couldn't control her spending urges. Bankrupted herself, moved in with them, decided to adopt a couple of kids. Dad took out a couple of loans to remodel and add on to the house. Stress from the loans and kids got to him, he lost his job and also went bankrupt. He was mid 50's when he died.

    Not my place to judge their family, but it made wonder how much responsibility you owe you children. I am sure most parents would give their life to protect their child, but where do you draw the line?
     
  2. Just1More

    Just1More

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  3. *ASH*

    *ASH* FURBANITE

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    I REAP what YOU sow
    i got 2 grown daughters , 20 and 23 . where i draw the line is them doing something stupid , and repeatedly doing it . behavior detrimental to them or me . if they make mistakes not of their own doing they get some back up but im not above cutting off anyone in my life including family.

    i have cut a dumbass sister out of my life . nieces and nephews . i have no problem with it .


    now if my daughters need to move home to save money , thats ok
    now if m daughters need to move home because they wasted their money on dumb **** , or a boyfriend they are on their own .

    and yeah i would give my life for my kids , but im not gonna give my life over dumb **** .
     
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2010
  4. The Machinist

    The Machinist Please! Please! No more!

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    Your neighbor didn't know how to say no, and gave into his daughter's childish demands for her entire life. I'd say it's his own damned fault.
     
  5. geminicricket

    geminicricket NRA Life member

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    Your neighbor was alive before he died. He died of a heart attack.

    His daughter is not to be saddled with this.

    My father had much more difficulty with his close family than you described, and lived to 85 even after surviving gunshot (.22), hot war(2), wolf packs(U-boats) , drug addiction (of his wife), attempted parricide (of his wife), industrial chemical exposure (his job), accidents (automobile), and medieval medicine(before discovery of the role of helicobacter pylori in ulcer).
     
  6. badge315

    badge315

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    Every situation is different; for example, if my daughter left her husband because he is a class A ******bag, she will always be welcome in my home. OTOH, if the two of them needed a place to live because they blew all their money on beer and CDs and couldn't pay their mortgage, they'd be on their own.

    I'll be happy to help my family when they need it due to circumstances beyond their control, but I'm not going to bail them out of their screw-ups, especially if they screwed up doing something contrary to my advice.

    Sometimes stupid hurts, as they say, and tough love stings.
     
  7. Brigrat

    Brigrat Question Everything

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    Agreed...any parent that lets this crap happen is responsible for their own demise!
     
  8. crazymoose

    crazymoose Nonentity

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    Bad decision making seems to run in the family. No parent can fairly fault his child for not having fallen far from the tree.
     
  9. Bilbo Bagins

    Bilbo Bagins Slacked jawed

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    I knew a guy with a similar story. 16 year old daughter living on the east coast meets a guy online who lives on the west coast. Wants to met him in person. Dad says no, so Daughter steals credit card from Mom and flies over to met the guy. Frantic phone calls back and forth. That lasted a two weeks. Only until Dad threatens to physically fly out to Califorina to retreive her, she comes back home with her new Mexican, gang banging, 17 year old boyfriend. The boyfriend hangs for a few weeks, then decides to split when he finds out the daughter is pregnant. On his way out he robs the house of some valuables including a 100 year old gold pocket watch this guy got from his grandfather.

    This guy was a very nice guy, and was very non-confrontational when the gang banger showed up at his home. However, the daughter blames the boyfriend's leaving on her father and get into a shouting match with him, she threatens to find the boyfriend and move back to CA, but she cannot find him, and he never returns her calls. :dunno:

    Dad dies of a Heart Attack the next morning:shakehead:

    I love my kids and I would die for them, but I hope I raise them better than this.
     
    Last edited: Oct 18, 2010
  10. Glocknut101

    Glocknut101 skeptic

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    I would have drawn the line at her (daughter) bringing more children into what was obviously a dysfunctional situation already.
    "Honey, I love you with all my heart, but if you adopt anyone, you can both live somewhere else."
    On the other hand, I think father could have done a much better job of raising his daughter. It would have helped him a lot in the long run, wouldn't it have?
     
  11. MtBaldy

    MtBaldy Obie Wan, RIP

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    Whoa! That's like really profound dude, like almost as profound as "Every journey begins with a single step.

    Way to go Capt. Obvious!


    Oh, and everyone one knows stress can be a factor in a heart attack and it sure sounds like the daughter added a lot to his stress level.
     
  12. kcb

    kcb Southern Lady

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    His daughter may or may not have contributed to his death.

    But, if she did, it started a long time ago.

    Our daughter and her husband are temporarily living with us, for them to get back on track. The economy and getting laid off from jobs was the kick off to the situation. But it was a slow process before they ended up here. They both ended up going back to school and are trying to improve their situation.

    However, I assure you, If they decide they want to adopt children and expect us to add on to the house, we will show them the way out.


    We want to help them become independent again, but we hope to get them out on their own again even as they are working on their education.

    We are NOT going to make things so nice here that they don't want to leave. I do see things that I do for my daughter that make her life too easy that I need to back off on....so she doesn't become too comfortable here. We are trying to keep them responsible for their own life and not "parent" them as if they were kids again.

    We were totally enjoying life on our own again.

    We want that back and we have our own goals to meet that do not include them, except on a visitation only basis.

    We love them dearly. They have always been independent, but life dealt them a few blows that we have been blessed to avoid. We are happy to help but not to the point of our own destruction.

    You can't judge as a third party. I never thought they'd need this from us; but I never thought I'd see the economy and real estate market do what it has done either.

    Praying for a recovery, soon. We want to retire one of these days in the near future, too!
     
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2010
  13. Dennis in MA

    Dennis in MA Get off my lawn

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    I'd like to think not. I waver between feeling like I'm too hard on my kids and too soft. Some ways, they are mature beyond their years. In others, they are immature beyond their years. Parenting is the toughest job you'll ever love. The Army just stole the line. ;)
     
  14. Hines57

    Hines57 Simple Member

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    I don't know the whole story with the neighbor, just posting his story because that is what had me thinking about the question. I don't have kids, so I was wondering how do parents handle watching their kids do really stupid stuff and to what lengths they will go to when they are bailing them out. I can't imagine how hard it would be to watch your children self-destruct.
     
  15. marlinfan

    marlinfan

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    With me and my Dad, it was sink or swim...and I'm glad it taught me to be more cautious with finances. My little sister is 30, has never paid for a car, I don't know if she even has a job, and will probably be a professional student her whole life. Dad never cut her off, so she never had to fall.
     
  16. Cody Jarrett

    Cody Jarrett

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    God loves those who care for his creatures.

    I took in my niece and her 6-year-old son after she took a couple of bad beatings from her ex. It's costing me considerably to support them. Not just clothes, food and necessities but in aggravation. The ex is a stalking threatening guy. He's a drunken drug abuser with a history of violence... and I'm a personal protection instructor with a fairly large staff. He's pushed it a few times and learned what "zero tolerance" means.

    Yes it's taking it's toll on me. I've had two heart surgeries and surely don't need the aggravation. But I feel her protection comes first and so I'll continue until she can get back on her feet. Unless the person you shelter is personally causing you problems you should help to your best ability.

    As far as the OP statements that the daughter took in foster kids, he should have put his foot down and said NO! I'm generous but I run my house with structure and rules. Follow them or I can no longer help.
     
    Last edited: Oct 18, 2010
  17. Ironbar

    Ironbar

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    Sorry, but nobody has the right to make me suffer physical, debilitating stress no matter what their relationship to me.
     
  18. Bilbo Bagins

    Bilbo Bagins Slacked jawed

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    You are doing a good thing there. I hope your niece gets through it, and you stay healthy .