Better to be occasionally cheated than perpetually suspicious. In two words I can sum up everything I've learned about life. Crap HAPPENS!. Accept than some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue. The best vitamin for making friends: B1. If you can't be the tablecloth, don't be the dishrag. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves. I'm not just a gardener, I'm a Plant Manager. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key. You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter. I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous. There are two rules for ultimate success in life: (1) Never tell everything you know. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it. Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car. There's no real need to do housework -- after four years it doesn't get any worse. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives. You'll never be the man your mother was! Drive defensively. Buy a tank. Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon. Good news is just life's way of keeping you off balance. Don't cook tonight -- starve a rat today! God did not create the world in 7 days; he messed around for 6 days and then pulled an all-nighter.