Wish me luck

Discussion in 'The Okie Corral' started by seb, Jul 28, 2004.

  1. seb

    seb

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    Well girls, the time has come for me to leave the old dog and move on with life. Keep your fingers crossed for the kids and I. Went to look at a house today for rent and I still need a job. I know that things will be difficult raising 2 sons on my own, but it's got to get better sometime. Say a little prayer that we'll get the house and i'll find a job soon.

    Terrie
     
  2. geminicricket

    geminicricket NRA Life member

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    Really stick him, leave the boys to him.

    I know a handsome 40-something man in Texas who's available and willing for a long term relationship with a woman who appreciates chiseled good looks and rippling muscles, fwiw.
     

  3. LJB

    LJB

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    Terrie:

    Only you know if you are doing the right thing. I know that is of no comfort, but once the initial fear (and yes I mean fear) and concerns subside, your life will do nothing but get better.

    Try not to waiver in your strength. That can be so very hard sometimes. Make time for yourself. Carrying the emotions of three is difficult at best.

    If you ever need to :steamed:, I think the ladies here will surely listen. Try to remember that pride can sometimes be ones downfall. Get help where and when you need it, both financially and emotionally.

    Just remember, *you will* make a better life for you and your sons. No none can deny you that.

    LJB
     
  4. seb

    seb

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    Sorry gemini, I'm swearing off men for awhile.


    Only you know if you are doing the right thing. I know that is of no comfort, but once the initial fear (and yes I mean fear) and concerns subside, your life will do nothing but get better.

    Thanks for the advice LJB. The fear is a little overwhelming at times, due to the fact i've never been on my own.:( I know i'm doing the right thing, it's just a little scary out there.

    Terrie
     
  5. Jaegergirl

    Jaegergirl Proud2BAmerican

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    i was scared to death when i left my ex-husband (he was an abusive a** ***e). my son was only 2 1/2 at a time. we've been divorced since '97 and i've since remarried and have another child. it was tough at times but once i saw how good life could be, my only regret is that i didn't leave him sooner.

    good luck to you. life does get better, you'll see. :) ;)
     
  6. KennyC

    KennyC

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    Good Luck!
    KAC
     
  7. SouthernGal

    SouthernGal What's Up Dox?

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    Deep breath.

    I've been where you are now. I can't imagine how it must be to have to take care of kids on your own. Thank goodness I never had any. It is scary thinking of taking care of yourself and finances and everything else without any assistance.

    My advice is DON'T LOOK BACK. Keep moving forward. This too shall pass. My blood pressure is probably down and I'm sure I've extended my life expectancy just by leaving my husband, not to mention I feel so much better. It has made me a better person. I hope you find the same to be true.

    You go girl!!!
     
  8. MrsKitty

    MrsKitty

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    Hang in there!

    You can do it ;)

    It may not be easy, but it can be done!
     
  9. seb

    seb

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    Thanks girls, for all the help.. I don't think i've ever been this scared, in my whole life. In my mind I keep playing the whole leaving over and over again. It's funny how you think you'll be married forever when your going down that aisle and than sh** starts happening and there it all goes.. Physically abusive he has never been, but that mental sh** really messes with you.. I'm so glad that you girls are here to talk to. Makes life alot easier.


    Terrie
     
  10. MrsKitty

    MrsKitty

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    In ways, mental abuse is worse than physical abuse.

    Just hang in there. We are here if you need us ;)
     
  11. seb

    seb

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  12. MrsKitty

    MrsKitty

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    Sometimes the victim wonders if it really happened too.

    At least physical abuse leaves signs that people can see...I guess that is the only good thing it leaves.
     
  13. seb

    seb

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  14. Jaegergirl

    Jaegergirl Proud2BAmerican

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    oh yeah, the mental crap is awful and just as bad, if not worse. broken bones and black eyes eventually go away but when someone messes with your head...that's a whole other nightmare.

    unfortunately, i had both and i'm telling you, it took a long time for me to get my head on straight. i was a mess. luckily, i went to counseling and it really helped. my ex was one in a series of bad relationships so when i met my current husband, i was still in counseling and was able to form a "normal" relationship with him. now life is good.

    hang in there and never look back. there's a wonderful world out there waiting for you.
    :)
     
  15. seb

    seb

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    Alright girls, i'm caving in here. Husband and I had a talk last night and he told me that I was running away from our marriage and our problems and he is trying and still loves me. He said, you can not come back if you leave. I asked, if he would stop the screaming and cussing and he informed me that probably would'nt happen. Out of anger on Sunday morning, he told the boys that he would be glad when they moved, instead of the older boys hearing it, the 9yr old did. I'm really feeling the guilt and anguish of leaving the relationship. Is this a guilt trip?? If you have tried for years and got nowhere with them, when do you stop??? Thanks for listening.

    Terrie
     
  16. SouthernGal

    SouthernGal What's Up Dox?

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    If you haven't gotten that book I talked about in the other thread, you really need to. This guy sounds like he's a lot of doublespeak, just like my ex. Saying that you WANT something to work out and then actually TRYING to make it work out are two different things. It takes TWO people working toward a good marriage to make it work. This book will help you learn when to stop and when enough is enough. I stayed on the fence for almost 3 years before I had enough.

    Don't put up with the screaming and cussing and yelling. I know how hard it is to leave and draw the line in the sand, but I swear to you my health improved dramatically after I left. It is stressful on both you and your children every extra minute you stay and tolerate his behavior.

    If he really wants to try, tell him that you're going to set up some marriage counseling with a Pastor, Minister, or Therapist for BOTH of you. See how he reacts to that. If he's willing to go and actually listen and learn I'd be surprised. If he does go, your marriage might be worth saving.
     
  17. Jaegergirl

    Jaegergirl Proud2BAmerican

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    first he tells you he's trying and then he says he "probably" won't change. that right there tells me it's time for you to move on. i would suggest counseling for BOTH of you and if he if he's not willing to go, then there's nothing more you can do.

    i put up with my husband's abuse for 3 1/2 years before i finally left. we tried counseling but he only did it to keep me under his control, not because he really wanted to change. leaving him was the hardest and scariest thing i ever did but once i started counseling and started getting my head on straight, i never looked back. and i wondered why the heck i put up with his crap for so long.
     
  18. MrsKitty

    MrsKitty

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    I would leave if my children had heard that. When they get older, they are really going to wonder if he resented them even being born. I know because I went through something similiar.

    He said that he doesn't plan on stopping the verbal and emotional abuse. You DESERVE better. Period.

    Quit talking to him. If you can't, and can afford one, hire an attorney to do all the talking for you. You will be much better off without being subjected to him toying with your emotions and emotionally abusing you right now.
     
  19. seb

    seb

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    Did it bother any of you girls at thoughts of your hubby being with someone else?? I wonder if everyone feels a little jealous when thinking of them moving on.
     
  20. Jaegergirl

    Jaegergirl Proud2BAmerican

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    no, i can't say i was jealous. i loathed the even though of him for so long that when i finally left him and months afterward, when he tried to "flaunt" his new woman, i almost felt bad for her and wanted to warn her.