1. Maxine on "Driver Safety" - "I can't use the cell phone in the car. I have to keep my hands free for making gestures." 2. Maxine on "Life" - "Life is like an oven. It burns my buns." 3. Maxine on "Housework" - "I do my housework in the nude. It gives me an incentive to clean the mirrors as quickly as possible." 4. Maxine on "Lawn Care" - "The key to a nice-looking lawn is a good mower. I recommend one who is muscular and shirtless." 5. Maxine on "the Perfect Man" - "All I'm looking for is a guy who'll do what I want, when I want, for as long as I want, and then go away. Or wait nearby, like a Dust Buster, charged up and ready when needed." 6. Maxine on "Work" - "My performance at work has really improved over the years. Now I can nail a co-worker with a paper-clip shot from a rubber band at 20 yards." 7. Maxine on "the Technology Revolution" - "My idea of rebooting is kicking somebody in the b*tt twice." 8. Maxine on "Aging" - "Take every birthday with a grain of salt This works much better if the salt accompanies a large margarita." 9. Maxine on "America" - "If you must burn our flag, please wrap yourself in it first." 10. Maxine on "Aging II" - "Getting older is like visiting an all-you-can-eat buffet. What should be hot is cold, what should be firm is limp, and the buns are bigger than anything else on the menu." 11. Maxine on "Fashion" - "I tried on a thong yesterday. I'm still trying to dig it out."