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Wisdom Of Maxine

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Glockrunner, Nov 16, 2004.

  1. Glockrunner

    Glockrunner HOOYA DEEPSEA

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    Sep 10, 2001
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    SC
    1. Maxine on "Driver Safety" - "I can't use the cell phone in the car. I have to keep my hands free for making gestures."

    2. Maxine on "Life" - "Life is like an oven. It burns my buns."

    3. Maxine on "Housework" - "I do my housework in the nude. It gives me an incentive to clean the mirrors as quickly as possible."

    4. Maxine on "Lawn Care" - "The key to a nice-looking lawn is a good mower. I recommend one who is muscular and shirtless."

    5. Maxine on "the Perfect Man" - "All I'm looking for is a guy who'll do what I want, when I want, for as long as I want, and then go away. Or wait nearby, like a Dust Buster, charged up and ready when needed."

    6. Maxine on "Work" - "My performance at work has really improved over the years. Now I can nail a co-worker with a paper-clip shot from a rubber band at 20 yards."

    7. Maxine on "the Technology Revolution" - "My idea of rebooting is kicking somebody in the b*tt twice."

    8. Maxine on "Aging" - "Take every birthday with a grain of salt This works much better if the salt accompanies a large margarita."

    9. Maxine on "America" - "If you must burn our flag, please wrap yourself in it first."

    10. Maxine on "Aging II" - "Getting older is like visiting an all-you-can-eat buffet. What should be hot is cold, what should be firm is limp, and the buns are bigger than anything else on the menu."

    11. Maxine on "Fashion" - "I tried on a thong yesterday. I'm still trying to dig it out."