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Will The Real Dummy Please Stand Up?

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Bannack, Sep 26, 2002.

  1. Bannack

    Bannack

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    1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?

    AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26-million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.


    2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS...

    Police in Oakland, CA, spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."


    3. WHAT WAS PLAN B?

    An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines where the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.


    4. THE GETAWAY!

    A man walked into a Topeka, KS, Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

    5. DID I SAY THAT?

    Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I
    said!"


    6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING?

    A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this
    her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted. "This is her husband!"


    7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!

    In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun; but, unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.

    8. THE GRAND FINALE:

    Last summer, down on Lake Isabella which is located in the high desert an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks new to boating were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 ft. boat going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver no matter how much power was applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out drive went up and down, and the prop was the correct
    size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
    NOW REMEMBER... THIS IS TRUE ...
    Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.
     
  2. matt3310

    matt3310 who me???

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    this is just too good!!!;f keep them comming!!!
     

  3. larry_minn

    larry_minn Silver Member Millennium Member

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    I have to doubt this one. I have seen some stupid stuff but from my Uncles boat have to recall. The trailer was only secured to boat in front. There was a strap that went OVER the rear of the boat. That would really be in the way. Unless they make them in other attachment methods.
     
  4. Eddie C.

    Eddie C. Administrator Moderator CLM

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    That is hilarious!!!;i ;i ;i
     
  5. 1loneranger

    1loneranger

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  6. pfrigm

    pfrigm

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    I REALLY like the second one... no offense to any officers reading :). In any case, on the last one, I always take stories and such on the internet as jokes and, while they may contain some truth, they are usually exaggerated. On this one, here is the skinny according to www.snopes.com (an urban legend archive site). In their version, the perpetrator was a blonde, but other than that, it matched the above story pretty much word for word.

    "Origins: We dismissed this anecdote as yet another "blonde joke," but one of our readers claims he took part in a similar experience during his days as a designer for Bayliner. He reported that his incident took place at Lake Stevens in Washington State, and was relayed to him by the customer service team dispatched to help a man who had complained bitterly about the atrocious lack of performance of his new watercraft. The man had failed to take his boat off the trailer, but it was not necessary for a service person to go underwater to determine this: the license plate of the trailer was plainly visible under the surface."
     
  7. younggenious

    younggenious

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