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Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, Aug 23, 2002.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

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    1. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll
    squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"?

    2. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
    horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?

    3. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

    4. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

    5. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

    6.If the professor on Giligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why
    can't he fix a hole in a boat?

    7. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't
    point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

    8. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are
    going to look up there anyway?

    10. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're
    both dogs!

    11. What do you call male ballerinas?

    12. Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??

    13. Why ARE Trix only for kids?

    14. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why
    didn't he just buy dinner?

    15. Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?

    16. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

    17. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
    vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

    18. If a man is talking in the forest, and no woman is there to hear him,
    is he still wrong?

    19. Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion
    stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet
    paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?

    19. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

    20. Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

    21. Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the
    same tune?

    22. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

    23.Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but
    call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
     
  2. eisman

    eisman ARGH! CLM

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    Why (The Answers)
    1. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll
    squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"? (I like to think it was a not to bright, but highly sexed young woman.)

    2. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
    horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat? (It's the British setting. They like it that way.)

    3. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? (You must have got a defective one. Take it back.)

    4. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him? (He writes it, he can sing it. It's like that Pina Colada song. Really, who likes Pina Coladas?)

    5. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane? (Yes, In fact they should use it as often as possible. That would stop the traffic jams caused by all the cars chasing hearses.)

    6.If the professor on Giligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? (He's autistic.)

    7. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is? (Because that's the sign for a blow job, and you don't want to go there when you need a urinal.)

    8. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway? (Nobody else wants to look at the rest of you either.)

    10. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! (It's a result of Walt's repressed childhood.)

    11. What do you call male ballerinas? (Queer.)

    12. Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?? (Research shows they feel things in their sleep. People who see that attempt this are usually waken up by a slap.)

    13. Why ARE Trix only for kids? (Because adults know tricks are better. Even for breakfast.)

    14. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why
    didn't he just buy dinner? (If you're crazy enogh to eat a roadrunner there's no explaining anything else you'll do.)

    15. Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'? (You have to ask?)

    16. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? (Aids, Wasserman, etc. At least some are testicular.)

    17. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
    vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? (Babies leak fluid constantly. Some is lubrication grade.)

    18. If a man is talking in the forest, and no woman is there to hear him, is he still wrong? (Of course.)

    19. Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure? (Most painters aren't as smart as Steven Hawking.)

    19. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? (Now days it does.)

    20. Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse? (No, now you have Epcot, Disneyland, Euro Disney and others.)

    21. Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? (Copyright infringement.)

    22. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup? (they are the only ones who truely understand the words in the spoon.)

    23.Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt? (One feels larger.)
     

  3. okie

    okie GT Mayor

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    eisman that was good thanks;c ;f
     
  4. eisman

    eisman ARGH! CLM

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    Okie-

    Always remember, there's no question that can't be answered. Of course, sometimes the answer may not be what you expect.