close

Privacy guaranteed - Your email is not shared with anyone.

Why We Miss Rodney Dangerfield...........

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by robin303, Dec 5, 2012.

  1. robin303

    robin303 Helicopter Nut

    Joined:
    Sep 27, 2009
    Messages:
    7,761
    Likes Received:
    448
    Location:
    Austin, TX
    My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.

    It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!

    Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

    A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home!

    A hooker once told me she had a headache.

    I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.

    If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

    I was making love to this girl and she started crying I said, 'Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said, 'No, I hate myself now.'

    I knew a girl so ugly... they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

    My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

    I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

    The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, 'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'

    My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.

    I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.

    My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal.

    My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. She called me from Chicago last night.

    My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with.
     
  2. Travelin' Jack

    Travelin' Jack Misinformed

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2007
    Messages:
    1,359
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    0 .· ` ' / ·. 200
    :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
     

  3. Gray_Rider

    Gray_Rider

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2009
    Messages:
    2,720
    Likes Received:
    945
    Location:
    Jacksonville Fla.
    A classic of a guy and a great comedian. We've all been there. That's what made his jokes about himself so funny. You are missed Rodney.

    Gray_Rider
     
  4. 2-8 Marine

    2-8 Marine Limp Member

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2009
    Messages:
    1,264
    Likes Received:
    0
    I was so ugly as a child my Mother used to tie meat around my neck so the dogs would play with me . . .
    I went to a really tough high school, it was so tough the school paper had an obituary column . . .
    Ya had to love Rodney.
     
  5. SCmasterblaster

    SCmasterblaster G17 carrier since 1989 Millennium Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 1999
    Messages:
    19,446
    Likes Received:
    1,085
    Location:
    Hartford, Vermont
    Time an egg - I miss RD.
     
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2012
  6. Glockgeezer

    Glockgeezer

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2012
    Messages:
    919
    Likes Received:
    216
    Location:
    Central Florida
    We were so poor my mother cut the pockets out of my jeans so I had something to play with.
     
  7. SCmasterblaster

    SCmasterblaster G17 carrier since 1989 Millennium Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 1999
    Messages:
    19,446
    Likes Received:
    1,085
    Location:
    Hartford, Vermont
    Heh heh heh heh heh!
     
  8. LASTRESORT20

    LASTRESORT20 L T G

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2010
    Messages:
    21,619
    Likes Received:
    32,727
    Location:
    35° 13' 36" N / 80° 50' 35" W
    Rodney had Magic!........ I miss him.....Always enjoyed his performances.
     
  9. F350

    F350

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2005
    Messages:
    3,315
    Likes Received:
    1,909
    Location:
    The Wyoming Plains
    Is there a "comic" today that could get a laugh without profanity (other than the Redneck guys)?
     
  10. TK-421

    TK-421

    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2012
    Messages:
    10,521
    Likes Received:
    1,055
    Location:
    Pflugerville, TX
    Rodney was awesome, I loved him. Back to School was hilarious, as was Caddyshack.
     
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2012
  11. ca survivor

    ca survivor

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2011
    Messages:
    8,578
    Likes Received:
    160
    Location:
    Florida
  12. SCmasterblaster

    SCmasterblaster G17 carrier since 1989 Millennium Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 1999
    Messages:
    19,446
    Likes Received:
    1,085
    Location:
    Hartford, Vermont
    From Rodney: "I'm more tired than a pair of jumper cables at a Tijuana funeral!"
     
  13. JuneyBooney

    JuneyBooney

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2009
    Messages:
    18,216
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Northern Virginia
    He was right on the money all the time. Back to school was hilarious. :supergrin:
     
  14. jockomikey

    jockomikey

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2008
    Messages:
    69
    Likes Received:
    0
    Watched "Easy Money" On Netflix a couple of weeks ago. So funny...