1. A helicopter will kill you quickly . . . a woman takes her time. 2. Helicopters can be turned on by a flick of a switch. 3. A helicopter does not get mad if you 'touch and go.' 4. A helicopter does not object to a preflight inspection. 5. Helicopters come with manuals. 6. Helicopters have strict weight and balance limits. 7. You can fly a helicopter any time of the month. 8. Helicopters don't come with in-laws. 9. Helicopters don't whine unless something is really wrong. 10. Helicopters don't care about how many other helicopters you have flown. 11. When flying, you and your helicopter both arrive at the same time. 12. Helicopters don't mind if you look at other helicopters, or if you buy helicopter magazines. 13. It's OK to use tie-downs on your helicopter.