When you've had a bad day

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by mdj1, Apr 2, 2004.

  1. mdj1


    Likes Received:
    Jul 22, 2002
    washington pa
    For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day,
    and you just need to take it out on someone, don't
    take it out on someone you know, take it out on
    someone you don't know.

    I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone
    call I had forgotten to make. I found the number, and
    dialed it. A man answered saying, "Hello?" I politely
    said, "This is Fred Hanifin, could I please speak with
    Robin Carter?" Suddenly, the phone was slammed down
    on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so

    I tracked down Robin's correct number, and called
    her. (I had transposed the last two digits of her
    phone number). After hanging up with her, I decided
    to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy
    answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an a***ole!" and
    hung up.

    I wrote his number down, with the word 'a***ole'
    next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple
    of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad
    day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an a***ole!" It
    always cheered me up.

    When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my
    therapeutic 'a***ole' calling would have to stop. So,
    I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith
    from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if
    you're familiar with the caller ID program?" he
    yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly
    called him back and said, "That's because you're an

    So, one day I was at the store, getting ready to
    pull into a parking spot. Some boy in a black BMW cut
    me off, and pulled into the spot I had patiently
    waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been
    waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I
    noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window, so I
    wrote down his number.

    A couple of days later, right after calling the first
    a***ole (I had his number on speed dial), I thought I
    had better call the BMW a***ole, too. I dialed and
    someone said, "Hello?" I said, "Is this the man with
    the black BMW for sale?" "Yes it is." "Can you tell
    me where I can see it?" "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th
    Street. It's a yellow house and the car's parked
    right out front." "What's your name?" I asked. "My
    name is Don Hansen," he said. "When's a good time to
    catch you, Don?" "I'm home every evening after five."
    "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?" "Yes?"
    "Don, you're an a***ole!" Then I hung up, and added
    his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a
    problem, I had two a***oles to call.

    But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as
    enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an
    idea: I called A***ole #1.

    "You're an a***ole!" (but I didn't hang up.)
    "Are you still there?" he asked.
    "Yeah," I said.
    "Stop calling me," he screamed.
    "Make me," I said.
    "Who are you?" he asked.
    "My name is Don Hansen."
    "Yeah? Where do you live?"
    "A***ole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow
    house with my black Beemer parked in front."
    He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had
    better start saying your prayers."
    I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, a***ole."

    Then I called A***ole # 2:

    "Hello?" he said.
    "Hello A***ole," I said.
    He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
    "You'll what?" I said.
    "I'll kick your a**," he exclaimed.
    I answered, "Well, a***ole, here's your chance. I'm
    coming over right now."

    Then, I hung up, and immediately called the police,
    saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and I
    was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

    Then, I called Channel 13 news about the gang war
    down on West 34th Street.

    I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th St.
    There, I saw two a***oles beating the crap out of each
    other in front of 6 squad cars, a police helicopter,
    and news crew.

    Now, I feel better.
  2. Signal Zero

    Signal Zero

    Likes Received:
    Oct 30, 2002
    Giving 'em the boot.
    ~1 ~1 ~1 ~1 ~1 ~1 ~1TGIF!

  3. ep3=g19

    ep3=g19 Young Glockster

    Likes Received:
    Mar 4, 2004
    Sea-Town, Wa
    OMG!!LMAO!!!;f ~1 ~1 ^c
    Anyways who won the gay fight?;f
  4. Marzipan

    Marzipan Optimist

    Likes Received:
    Feb 26, 2004
    making a right onto...
    I wish I thought of that!! ;i ;i ;i ;i ;i ;i ;i I know plenty of people who deserve that!