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When to fart

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, Mar 9, 2004.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

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    Location:
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    When not to Fart.

    1. In a crowded elevator
    2. On a crowded bus
    3. In a public library
    4. While on a date
    5. While giving a speech
    6. In church
    7. In a crowded classroom
    8. In your office when you're alone - someone's bound to walk in
    immediately afterwards
    9. In a movie theater
    10. In your cubicle at work - again someone's bound to walk in to visit
    11. In a walk-in freezer - it'll linger a while
    12. In an commercial airplane
    13. In a ticket line
    14. In your car before picking up a family member
    15. during confession
    16. In bed when you're feeling frisky
    17. In a Cessna
    18. While fighting fire in a burning building
    19. In a patrol car for a minor violation


    When to Fart

    1. In your bosses office as you are turning to leave. Tip-Make sure
    it's a silent one.
    2. In a bathroom
    3. In a cashier's line - it might help to speed up things
    4. In an empty elevator before you get off
    5. Next to an occupied changing room - it may quickly become
    unoccupied.
    6. In someone elses unoccupied cubicle at work
    7. While parachuting
    8. While scuba diving
    9. In the back seat of a patrol car if you are arrested
    10. During interrogation if you're the one being interrogated
    11. In your car if you've been carjacked
    12. In the changing room when you're sure someone else is waiting their
    turn.
    13. In your car once you've been pulled over. The cop may let you go
    quicker.
    14. During a pie eating competition to distract your competitors
    15. While walking down a crowded hallway. Nobody will know who to
    blame.
     
  2. fastvfr

    fastvfr Ancient Tech

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    A couple more--

    When To Fart:

    When you see something particularly egregious, you might punctuate it with, "Well, there's only one thing I can say about that..." >insert fart here<

    When NOT To Fart:

    While seated on ANY hard plastic seat (unreal amplification) or particularly after having taken powerful laxatives. ;P
     

  3. The Pontificator

    The Pontificator Angry Samoan

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    When to fart:

    Upon waking in the morning. You've been saving it up all night, so let 'er RIP!!! Usually good for about five seconds, three octaves, and a good early morning laugh esp. if your sweetie is under the covers with you. Then you'd want to do a "covered wagon" on her. :)