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When Insults Had Class

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Mrs Glockrunner, Nov 19, 2012.

  1. Mrs Glockrunner

    Mrs Glockrunner

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    These insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.

    "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play. Bring a friend, if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

    "Cannot possibly attend first night. I will attend second............If there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response

    A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."​
    "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

    "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

    "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

    "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow

    "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

    "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it. " - Moses Hadas

    "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

    "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde

    "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

    "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

    "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

    "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

    "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

    "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand

    "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

    "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

    "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

    "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

    "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... For support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang

    "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

    "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx​
     
    Last edited: Nov 19, 2012
  2. SCmasterblaster

    SCmasterblaster Millennium Member

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  3. samurairabbi

    samurairabbi Dungeon Schmuck

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    Some classics there.

    I offer one from James Bond's ***** Galore:
    If I had it to do all over again, I'd do it all over you.
     
  4. cowboywannabe

    cowboywannabe you savvy?

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    Sir you are a Cad! if i were your wife i'd put poison in your drink.

    Madam, if i were your husband i'd drink it.
     
  5. Fred Hansen

    Fred Hansen Liberal Bane

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    From my hero, Dorothy Parker:

    Dorothy Parker was attempting to go through a doorway at the same time as the glamorous socialite and playwright Clare Boothe Luce.

    “Age before beauty” said Luce while yielding the way. “And pearls before swine,” replied Parker while gliding through the doorway.
     
  6. cowboywannabe

    cowboywannabe you savvy?

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    my wife doesnt get why i like the high brow humor like Fraizer.....something about the smug condescending sarcasim.....
     
    Last edited: Nov 19, 2012
  7. SCmasterblaster

    SCmasterblaster Millennium Member

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    Good to see these again after a while.
     
  8. janice6

    janice6 Silver Member

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    Done with nothing but an education and a vocabulary. Good stuff.

    My favorite:

    Samuel Clemens was at a party and a female guest said to him, "My friends say I am witty too, they say I can give tit for tat".

    Samuel looked at her and said "Tat".
     
  9. PEC-Memphis

    PEC-Memphis Scottish Member

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    Doh ?
    Wonder who Bob wrote this one about:



    I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes
    And just for that one moment, I could be you
    Yes, I wish that for just one time, you could stand inside my shoes
    You'd know what a drag it is to see you​
     
    Last edited: Nov 27, 2012
  10. FL Airedale

    FL Airedale Dog Breath

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    :thumbsup:

    People with intelligence can insult others without using any curse words.
     
  11. SCmasterblaster

    SCmasterblaster Millennium Member

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    A Hall of Fame of celebrities . . . . .