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What to do about a friend...

Discussion in 'The Okie Corral' started by Tim151515, Apr 20, 2012.

  1. Tim151515

    Tim151515 iHeartGuns

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    that you trully care about...but just doesn't get it?

    Heres the situation...me and this guy were in the Army together and got out around the same time. He has family in Kali and Texas, but desiced to go to Kali, and I think its starting to rub off on him. I try to give him positive advice very regularly(we talk a few times a week) but I just don't think its getting through. Im 24, and he is 25, and the next few years are very critical in both of our lives, and will decide the rest of our lives, and I tell him this, but its like he just tries to act like he cares, but really doesn't.

    He is taking college classes, but its part time, and just your basic general classes, with no real plan of starting a career, or even knowing what he wants to do. He is the type that is "addicted" to being in a relationship, and can't be single. He puts that(meeting girls, dedicating his life to girls) over his life and progression, and he is always "stressed out" because he tries to fall in live with damn near every girl he meets, and usually ends up getting screwed over. I try to tell him that girls are a dime a dozen at this age, and that he if he keeps putting them above himself, he will end up in 10 years looking back with no more progression than he has now, and what girl wants to be with an unsuccesful 35 year old welfare queen.

    It's like he still has the Army mindstate where he can just do the mininum or whatnot, and people will come to him to make sure he does what it takes to make it. I try to tell him, time and time again, that in the private market, its very competive, and it takes MUCH more than a few general college classes to earn yourself a career to be succesful. I try to tell him to leave Kali...but idk...its like the liberal mindstate is rubbing off on him. I jus dont know what to do.

    This guy is like my brother...and I know, and have even told him, the best I can do is give him advice, but his life is up to him. But it really breaks my heart that he seems to be going back to the lifestyle that made him want to enlist in the Army in the first place. What can I say/do to make him realize that in order to succeed you have to work your *** off and earn it. I even tell him, that a very high majority of poor people are that way for a reason, and succesful people likewise.

    But, like I said, its like he tries to base his like around trying to fall in love or whatever, and feels like as long as he takes a few basic college courses, with no longterm plan(or even knowing what he wants his career to be)he will be alright. I just don't know what to tell this guy. We have been through a few deployments together, and I really look at him as my brother...and I can't stand to see him fall into this loop. I just don't know what to do.
     
  2. HollowHead

    HollowHead Firm member

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  3. RichJ

    RichJ

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    Let him read your post and maybe it will sink in.
     
  4. *ASH*

    *ASH* FURBANITE

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    dude is gonna do what he wants . you can either be a friend or not , thats about it . you talk to him he gets pissed , you dont talk about it , he goes on doing his thing.

    you cant change folks , i learned that long ago when i was a little feller
     
  5. SMOKEin

    SMOKEin

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    He's 25, served in the Army, taking college classes and chasing ****... I'm not seeing the mission critical (aka post in GNG) about it?
     
  6. Tim151515

    Tim151515 iHeartGuns

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    its a VERY competitive market out there. You have to work your *** off, and have a plan(rather than just taking random math and english classes and whatnot, with no career plan), to make it. theres nothing wrong with chasing it. The problem is letting your life revolve around it.
     
    Last edited: Apr 20, 2012
  7. 427

    427

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    He's going to do what he wants, despite what you say. Let him live his life. His life and what he does with it is his responsibility, not yours. Live your life. As a friend, be there when he NEEDS you.
     
  8. Tim151515

    Tim151515 iHeartGuns

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    I agree w/everything you say. im just scared me being there when he needs me will be in the form of supporting government assistance.
     
  9. 427

    427

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    What can you do? <rhetorical question> I mean, you can't hold his hand for the rest of his life.
     
  10. robin303

    robin303 Helicopter Nut

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    He has no goals in life. Unfortunately I have met 75% of people in that age group that have no idea what they want to do in their life which is sad. They walk now through life aimlessly then it is to late. Sounds like you’re pissing on a flat rock because he is going to do what ever no matter what you say.
    Why don’t you just leave him alone and let him learn the hard way which is hard but why should you fester over this. You can lead a horse to water but………. :dunno:
     
  11. Tim151515

    Tim151515 iHeartGuns

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    you can't make him drink. i know i know. i wish i could just not care..but i mean, like i said, weve been through some stuff together, and hes my family. i guess yall are right though. i mean, i even told him..the most i can do is give you advice...but it just sucks.this dude is really like my brother...and i HATE feeling like he will end up as some middle aged guy regretting the desisions he made when he was young. but i guess i can't controll that.
     
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2012
  12. larry_minn

    larry_minn Silver Member Millennium Member

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    He is a adult by legal terms. He is not your responsibility. You tried and he does not care. You have choices. You can rag on him till he hates you. You can be a friend and make suggestions and hope he grows up. Or you can dump him. (wide variety of options within those of course)

    Most guys go thru point when they want to find "the one gal for life" Most find "Mrs right now" and pay and pay. I got lucky and decided the one I thought I wanted was NOT right. So dated for fun and found the gal I married. (and can't wait for her to come home)
    I (planned) to get married in my mid 20s. Glad I didn't because I could take jobs where a wife would be handicap.

    There are jobs (if you are healthy, willing to learn basics, push youself) even without training. They normally don't pay as well.
     
  13. UtahIrishman

    UtahIrishman BLR Silver Member

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    Some people simply take longer to grow up than others. And some never do grow up.

    Personally I find growing up over-rated. Not every one needs to or wants to have a structured life, particularly in their twenties. And 25 is hardly going down hill time. He (and you) still have plenty of time to make all kinds of mistakes.

    Be there when he needs you. That's all you can do.
     
  14. Brian Lee

    Brian Lee Drop those nuts

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    The older I get the more I realize that if you refrain from offering advice except when it is being specifically asked for, people are a lot more likely to take that advice. On the surface, this policy does seem to make about a 90 percent reduction in the number of opportunities I have to spread my God-like wisdom around, but on the occasions when I do, at least the listener is really listening.

    Advice that wasn't asked for usually goes into a persons ears almost like it was a form of disrespect, and that makes them less likely to ask your opinion in the future. Sometimes it's better in the long run to say nothing while a buddy shoots himself in the foot if it makes him more likely to consult you before shooting himself in the head later.
     
  15. Kevin108

    Kevin108 THIS IS IN ALL CAPS

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    It is sink or swim in the real world but he might have to dunk his head under once or twice before he realizes he's in the water. This sounds blunt and rude but quit trying to run his life and just be his friend.
     
  16. ron59

    ron59 Bustin Caps

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    For those who "don't get it?". They often never will.

    And you CAN'T run their life for them. You've told him, now he will either take your advice or not. Continuing to preach at him isn't going to get you anywhere.