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What my Mother taught me...

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, Oct 17, 2002.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

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    Muskogee Ok.
    ...TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE:
    "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside -- I just
    finished cleaning!"

    ...RELIGION:
    "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

    ..about TIME TRAVEL:
    "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the
    middle of next week!"

    ...LOGIC:
    "Because I said so, that's why!"

    ...FORESIGHT:
    "Be sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an
    accident."

    ...IRONY:
    "Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about."

    ...about OSMOSIS:
    "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

    ...about CONTORTIONISM:
    "Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

    ...about STAMINA:
    "You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."

    ...about WEATHER:
    "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

    ...how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS:
    "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would
    you listen then?"

    ...about HYPOCRISY:
    "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times -- don't
    exaggerate!!!"

    ...THE CIRCLE OF LIFE:
    "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

    ...about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION:
    "Stop acting like your father!"

    ...about ENVY:
    "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world
    who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"