What makes farts stink?

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by pupcuss27, May 30, 2007.

  1. pupcuss27

    pupcuss27 CLM

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    May 13, 2007
    What makes farts stink?
    The odor of farts comes from small amounts of hydrogen sulfide gas
    and mercaptans in the mixture. These compounds contain sulphur.
    Nitrogen-rich compounds such as skatole and indole also add to the
    stench of farts. The more sulphur-rich your diet, the more
    sulphides and mercaptans will be produced by the bacteria in your
    guts, and the more your farts will stink. Foods such as
    cauliflower, eggs and meat are notorious for producing smelly
    farts, whereas beans produce large amounts of not particularly
    stinky farts.

    Why are stinky farts generally warmer and quieter than normal farts?
    Most fart gas comes from swallowed air and consists largely of
    nitrogen and carbon dioxide, the oxygen having been absorbed by the
    time it reaches the anal opening. These gases are odorless,
    although they often pick up other (and more odiferous) components
    on the way through the bowel. They emerge from the anus in fairly
    large bubbles at body temperature. A person can often achieve a
    good sound with these voluminous farts, but they are commonly (but
    not always!) mundane with respect to odor, and don't feel
    particularly warm.

    Another major source of fart gas is bacterial action. Bacterial
    fermentation and digestion processes produce heat as a byproduct as
    well as various pungent gases. The resulting bubbles of gas tend to
    be small, hot, and concentrated with stinky bacterial metabolic
    products. These emerge as the notorious, warm, SBD
    (Silent-But-Deadly), often in amounts too small to produce a good
    sound, but excelling in stench.

    How much wind does a normal person pass per day?
    On average, a person produces about half a liter of fart gas per
    day, distributed over an average of about fourteen daily farts.
    Whereas it may be difficult for you to determine your daily flatus
    volume, you can certainly keep track of your daily numerical fart
    count. You might try this as a science fair project: Keep a journal
    of everything you eat and a count of your farts. You might make a
    note of the potency of their odor as well. See if you can discover
    a relationship between what you eat, how much you fart, and how
    much they smell.

    How long does it take fart gas to travel to someone else's nose?
    Fart travel time depends on atmospheric conditions such as
    humidity, temperature and wind speed and direction, the molecular
    weight of the fart particles, and the distance between the fart
    transmitter and the fart receiver. Farts also disperse (spread out)
    as they leave the source, and their potency diminishes with
    dilution. Generally, if the fart is not detected within a few
    seconds, it will be too dilute for perception and will be lost into
    the atmosphere forever.

    Exceptional conditions exist when the fart is released into a small
    enclosed area such as a lift, a small room, or a car. These
    conditions limit the amount of dilution possible, and the fart may
    remain in a smell able concentration for a long period of time,
    until it condenses on the walls.

    Why is there a 13 to 20 second delay between farting and the time
    it starts to smell?
    Actually, the fart stinks immediately upon emergence, but it takes
    several seconds for the odor to travel to the farter's nostrils. If
    farts could travel at the speed of sound, we would smell them
    almost instantly, at the same time we hear them.

    Is it true that some people never fart?
    No, not if they're alive. People even fart shortly after death.

    Do women fart?
    Yes most men take more pride in it than most women. There is a
    large variation among individuals in the amount of fart gas
    produced per day, but the variation does not correlate with gender.
    I have read that men fart more often than women. If this is true,
    then women must be saving it up and expelling more gas per fart
    than men do.

    Do men's farts smell worse than women's farts?
    Based on what I have experienced of women's farts, all I can say is
    that I hope not.

    At what time of day is a man most likely to fart?
    A man is mostly likely to fart first thing in the morning, while in
    the bathroom. This is known as 'Morning Thunder' and with good
    resonance; it can be heard throughout the house.

    Why are beans so notorious for making people fart?
    Beans contain sugars that we humans cannot digest. When these
    sugars reach our intestines, the bacteria go wild, have a big
    feast, and make lots of gas! Other notorious fart-producing foods
    include corn, bell peppers, cabbage, milk, and raisins. A friend of
    mine had a dog that was exceptionally fond of apples and turnips.
    The dog would eat these things and then get prodigious gas. A dog's
    digestive system is not equipped to handle such vegetable matter,
    so the dog's bacteria worked overtime to produce remarkable

    What things other than diet can make a person fart more than usual?

    People who swallow a lot of air fart more than people who don't.
    This can be cured somewhat by chewing with your mouth closed.
    Nervous people with fast moving bowels will fart more because less
    air is absorbed out of the intestines. Some disease conditions can
    cause excess flatulence. And going up in an airplane or other
    low-pressure environment can cause the gas inside you to expand and
    emerge as flatulence

    is a fart really just a burp that comes out the wrong end?
    No, a burp emerges from the stomach and has a different chemical
    composition from a fart. Farts have less atmospheric gas content
    and more bacterial gas content than burps...

    Is it harmful to hold in farts?
    There are differences in opinion on this one. Certainly, people
    have believed for centuries that retaining flatulence is bad for
    the health. Emperor Claudius even passed a law legalizing farting
    at banquets out of concern for people's health. There was a
    widespread belief that a person could be poisoned or catch a
    disease by retaining farts. Doctors I have spoken to recently have
    told me that there is no particular harm in holding in farts. Farts
    will not poison you; they are a natural component of your
    intestinal contents. The worst thing that can happen is that you
    may get a stomach ache from the gas pressure. But one doctor
    suggested that pathological distention of the bowel could result if
    a person holds in farts too much.

    How long would it be possible to not fart?
    As I understand it, a captive fart can escape as soon as the person
    relaxes. This means that a lot of people who assiduously refrain
    from farting during the day do so at great length as soon as they
    fall asleep. Having been on a great many overnight field trips,
    long bus trips, and trans- Pacific flights, I can personally vouch
    for the fact that lots of people do fart voluminously as they doze
    off. So the answer to the question would be, you can refrain from
    farting as long as you can stay awake!

    Do all people fart in their sleep?
    I have not made a scientific study of this, but I don't think all
    people fart in their sleep. I think mainly those who refuse to fart
    when they're awake do so when dozing off. For other people, toilet
    training takes such a strong hold that they let nothing pass their
    sphincters in sleep. For these people, the gas accumulates in the
    night and they vent it upon awakening.

    Where do farts go when you hold them in?
    How often have you held in a fart, intending to release it at the
    first appropriate opportunity, only to find that the fart has
    disappeared when you are ready for it? I asked several doctors
    where the fart goes. Does it leak out slowly without the person
    knowing it? Is it absorbed into the bloodstream? What happens to
    it? The doctors agree that the fart is neither released nor
    absorbed. It simply migrates back upward into the intestine and
    comes out later. It is reassuring to know that such farts aren't
    really lost, just delayed.

    How can one cover up a fart?
    There is a company called Fartypants that sells underwear designed
    to absorb the odor of farts. If you should be caught without your
    Fartypants, another ploy is to blame the dog or cat, if one should
    be present, or complain about how the wind must be blowing from the
    direction of the paper mill. As for the sound... if you are in a
    large group of people, act oblivious and innocent, or glance
    quickly at the person next to you, as if you think he/she did it.
    Other strategies include coughing or suddenly moving your chair so
    that people think that they misheard the fart. If you are with one
    other person, you can act as if nothing happened, and the other
    person may believe he was mistaken in thinking he heard a fart.
    Another strategy is not to cover it up, but to proudly proclaim the
    fart as your own grand accomplishment and to issue a challenge to
    the others to outdo that one if they think they can.

  2. bubba23

    bubba23 Guest

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    May 21, 2007
    I did not know that.

  3. Glockdude1

    Glockdude1 Federal Member CLM

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    May 24, 2000
    I can tell already, this Thread is going to be a GAS!!!

    [​IMG] [​IMG]
  4. FN64

    FN64 Guest

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    Feb 20, 2006
    I thought everyone knew why farts smell...

    So deaf people can enjoy 'em!!!

    Nevertheless ole roundmouth speaks quite well for a hairlip...

  5. FireGuy

    FireGuy Into The Breach CLM

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    May 20, 2002
    Hiding In The Rockies
    The author failed to mention that pulling the cover's over your significant other's head and holding them in place while distributing a large amount of intestinal gas tends to reduce your chances for procreational practice sessions.

    Found that out the hard way...

    Damn, she hadn't moved that much in years!!!! :rofl:

    If I'd just had the sense to wait for the practice session to begin...:horsey:
  6. BexarWolf

    BexarWolf Got Milk?

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    Jul 22, 2006
    Round Rock, Texas
    This is also known as a Dutch Oven. And this posting was way too informational. Do you smell something?

    :shocked: :faint: :puking: :sorry:
  7. Blitzer

    Blitzer Cool Cat

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    Jan 15, 2004
    The communist's play ground of OHIO

    If they didn't you wouldn't enjoy watching others' reactions nearly as much!

    :rofl: :animlol: :shocked: :supergrin:
  8. Glockdude1

    Glockdude1 Federal Member CLM

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    May 24, 2000
    You don't smoke in bed do you????

  9. bubba23

    bubba23 Guest

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    May 21, 2007
    I'm still new here, so I'm not familiar with fart thread protocol, but would it be appropriate to discuss "Why farts make noise?", or should that be a new thread?

    Here, pull my finger.
  10. SCmasterblaster

    SCmasterblaster G17 carrier since 1989 Millennium Member

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    Sep 24, 1999
    Hartford, Vermont
  11. pupcuss27

    pupcuss27 CLM

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    May 13, 2007

    Actual Local Indiana Famous Landmark
  12. Ronny

    Ronny Good Guy

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    Dec 28, 2001
    NE Ohio