close

Privacy guaranteed - Your email is not shared with anyone.

Wash up

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by kikilee, Jun 16, 2003.

  1. kikilee

    kikilee

    Messages:
    111
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2002
    Location:
    Arkansas
    How to shower Like a Woman


    1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper
    according to lights and darks.

    2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see
    husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

    3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental
    note to do more sit-ups

    4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth,
    long
    loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.

    5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with
    43 added vitamins.

    6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

    7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner
    enhanced
    with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.

    8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10
    min.
    until red.

    9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake
    body
    wash.

    10. Rinse conditioner off hair.

    11. Shave armpits and legs.

    12. Turn off shower.

    13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots
    with Tilex.

    14. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small
    country.
    Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

    15. Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs.

    16. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel
    on head.

    17. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed
    areas.

    AND NOW
    How To Shower Like a Man


    1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and
    leave them in a pile.

    2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way,
    shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

    3. Look in the mirror, look at your wiener and scratch your
    ***.

    4. Get in the shower.

    5. Wash your face

    6. Wash your armpits.

    7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them
    off.

    8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud
    they sound in the shower.

    9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding
    area.

    10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on
    the soap.

    11. Shampoo your hair.

    12. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

    13. Pee.

    14. Rinse off and get out of shower.

    15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because
    curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

    16. Admire wiener size in mirror again.

    17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and
    fan on.

    18. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you
    pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make
    the 'woo-woo' sound again.

    19. Throw wet towel on bed.

    If there is anyone one among you who did not laugh
    at the truth behind this email, there is something so
    very wrong with you.