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Update on the dad

Discussion in 'The Okie Corral' started by mike253, Jan 19, 2010.

  1. mike253

    mike253 NRA - IWLA

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    Mar 5, 2007
    Created a thread a week or so ago about getting rid of the smell of infection. Tips and tricks were greatly appreciated.

    They took his left leg at the knee on Thursday, he coded Sunday and they got him back. Took him off the ventilator today and he's doing absolutely amazingly well. No one understood how he lived until last Monday, let alone through the surgery and the heart attack.

    I've been with him every day (with the exception of Friday) and I've been the go-between for the family when it comes to medical issues. Finally explained things to him tonight, he's been in since last Sunday and doesn't remember much of it at all.

    Had to tell him that they may have to take his right leg, he didn't do seem to care. Today was his birthday and I told him he shouldn't have been here to see it, since he was, whatever happens is trivial.. he seemed to agree.

    Since last Sunday I've had to basically shut down emotionally. Had to literally cut his clothes off, scrub the fecal matter off, then "break the seal" on the sock he wore for 4 days over an infected foot before dressing him again just to get him to agree to go to the hospital. After that, I had to talk in cold, clinical terms to nurses who (God bless them) cared so well for someone who (due to denial/self medication) had essentially let himself rot.

    His sister isn't coping well (he's the last family she has) and my sister has 2 kids to worry about. On top of that, I've felt the need to ease the minds of his nurses/doctor (family doc, we've both been with him for 18+ years) because I've never seen a medical staff show so much compassion and I've been aroun a LOT of hospitals. Guess I figured that since I was being "ok" for him, I'd be "ok" for everyone else.

    Honestly not sure how much longer I can be ok.
  2. Glock&KimberLady

    Glock&KimberLady Morior Invictus Silver Member

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    Jul 3, 2001
    Don't be OK. If you're pissed off, call a friend and vent. Say all the things you don't dare say to your dad to the friend, and then threaten to kill them if they repeat it. (not seriously, obviously)

    You don't have to be the strong silent type all the time. The stress will build up and bubble over and it *will* make you somewhat crazy.

    The docs and nurses are not sitting in judgment of him OR you; they will treat him with compassion regardless of what their thoughts are. Remember, they *do* see this kind of stuff all the time, no matter how shocking it is to you, it's old hat to them. (and if it's not, they have the professionalism to keep it to themselves)

    I'm sorry you have to go through this; it's difficult to watch someone neglect themselves and wind up in the hospital as a result. Your dad may have untreated depression along with his other physical ailments, and perhaps that should be looked into.

    If nothing else, come to vent here on GT; we're here for you.

  3. SVTPT92


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    Aug 22, 2004
    Charleston SC
    What G&K Lady said!

    I've found Glocktalk is a great place to vent... there are a few wiseass trolls around, but for the most part there are a lot of great people who will offer their support. As my family is offering ours to you. You're in our prayers and I hope in the end things will turn out well. During tough times it's easy to put our emotions aside, but be sure to let them out.. to friends, family, us, whoever... but let them out... that's the way we're designed.

    Best Regards
  4. podwich


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    Sep 7, 2000
    Like GKL said- call a friend. Vent. If there are no friends you feel you can talk to, ask at the hospital- you could probably speak with the chaplain or maybe one of the social workers. Just let it out somewhere.