Universal truths

Discussion in 'The Okie Corral' started by bearshoegun, Apr 5, 2010.

  1. bearshoegun

    bearshoegun

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    UNIVERSAL TRUTHS

    * I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately
    clear
    your computer history if you die.

    * Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
    realize you're wrong.

    * I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I
    was
    younger.

    * There is great need for a sarcasm font.

    * How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

    * Was learning cursive really necessary?

    * Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm
    pretty
    sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

    * Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how
    the
    person died.

    * I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

    * Bad decisions make good stories.

    * You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at
    work
    when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

    * Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu Ray? I
    don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

    * I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks
    me
    if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

    * "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this
    -
    ever.

    * I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?
    Damn
    it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

    * I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not
    seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

    * I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not
    to
    answer when they call.

    * I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

    * I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
    Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

    * I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

    * Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger
    and
    suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

    * I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand
    than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

    * The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to
    finish a text message.

    * I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and
    hunger.

    * How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just
    nod
    and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?


    * I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team
    up
    to prevent an *** from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

    * Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get
    dirty, and you can wear them forever.

    * Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every
    year?

    * There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you
    are
    going to die after leaning your chair is back a little too far.

    * Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and
    still
    not know what time it is.

    * Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their
    car
    keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my behind everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!
     
  2. chuckman

    chuckman

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    The best man's job is to provide a passport, a one-way ticket to Mexico City, and $1,000 cash.
     

  3. 8-Ball

    8-Ball Old Soul

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    That's pretty accurate!
     
  4. Dennis in MA

    Dennis in MA Get off my lawn

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  5. michael88

    michael88

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    just what i needed on a monday morning! hi larious