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Topic: Thoughts on flying

Discussion in 'The Okie Corral' started by robin303, Sep 18, 2012.

  1. robin303

    robin303 Helicopter Nut

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    The difference between a duck and a co-pilot?
    The duck can fly.

    A check ride ought to be like a skirt. Short enough to be interesting, but long enough to cover everything.

    Speed is life. Altitude is life insurance.

    It only takes two things to fly:
    Airspeed, and money.

    The three most dangerous things in aviation:
    1. A Doctor or Dentist in a Cessna.
    2. Two captains in a DC-9.

    Aircraft Identification:
    If it's ugly, it's British.
    If it's weird, it's French.
    If it's ugly and weird, it's Russian.

    Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another very expensive flying club.

    The similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
    If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies.
    If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.

    New FAA motto:
    'We're not happy, till you're not happy.'

    If something hasn't broken on your helicopter -- it's about to.

    I give that landing a 9.......on the Richter scale.

    Basic Flying Rules:
    1. Try to stay in the middle of the air.
    2. Do not go near the edges of it.
    3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly in the edges.

    Unknown landing signal officer (LSO) to carrier pilot after his 6th unsuccessful landing attempt:
    "You've got to land here son. This is where the food is."

    The three best things in life are:
    A good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement.
    A night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities to experience all three at the same time.
     
  2. scratchy wilson

    scratchy wilson Silver Member

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    Should be copied and placed in VrJr's notebook.
     

  3. HollowHead

    HollowHead Firm member

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    How can you tell the pilot at a party? He'll tell you.
     
  4. AK_Stick

    AK_Stick AAAMAD

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    How can you tell if a stewardess is at the party?

    She's the one eating behind the drapes.

    Whats the difference between a pilot and a jet engine?

    The engine stops whining when you're done flying.



    Whats the difference between a stewardess and a condom?

    The condom won't follow you around after you're done using it.
     
  5. Lone_Wolfe

    Lone_Wolfe Sandbox Refugee CLM

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  6. Peace Warrior

    Peace Warrior Am Yisrael Chai CLM

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    Birds were created to do it.



     
  7. 3glkdog

    3glkdog

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    Whats a difference between a large pizza and a new hire pilot. A large pizza can feed the whole family.
     
  8. Peace Warrior

    Peace Warrior Am Yisrael Chai CLM

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    A man is sitting in a plane which is about to takeoff, when another man with a dog occupies the empty seats alongside. The dog is sat in the middle, and the first man is looking quizzically at the dog when the second man explains that they work for the airline.

    The airline rep said "Don't mind Rover, he is a sniffer dog, the best there is, I'll show you once we get airborne and I set him to work."

    The plane takes off and levels out when the handler says to the first man, "Watch this." He tells the dog, "Rover, search." The dog jumps down, walks along the aisle and sits next to a woman for a few seconds. It then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the handler's arm. He says "Good boy." He turns to the first man and says, "That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of this, and the seat number, then the police will apprehend her upon arrival." "Fantastic!" replies the first man.

    Once again he sends the dog to search the aisles. The dog sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to its seat and places both paws on the handler's arm. The airline rep says, "That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of this, and the seat number." "I like it!" says the first man.

    Once again he sends the dog to search the aisles. Rover goes up and down the plane aisle, and after a while sits down next to someone, and then comes racing back and jumps up next to the handler and takes takes a big, huge dump in the middle of the seat.

    The first man is surprised and disgusted by this, and asks "What the heck is going on?" The handler nervously replies "He just found a bomb!"
     
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2012
  9. jtull7

    jtull7 Pistolero CLM

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    OP, fixed it for you.

    The three most dangerous things in aviation:
    1. A Doctor or Dentist in a Bonanza.
    2. Two captains in a DC-9
    3. A stewardess with a chipped tooth.
     
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2012
  10. 17&27

    17&27

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    Two most useless things in aviation.
    1) Airspace above you.
    2) Runway behind you.
     
  11. SC Tiger

    SC Tiger Jive Tiger

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    A friend who had flown (he may have let his license laps) once told me there are three things essential to flying, and you need at least one of them:

    1) Altitude
    2) Airspeed
    3) An Idea.

    As long as you have at least one you are fine. If you are out of all three, well...
     
  12. aircarver

    aircarver Descent Terminated Silver Member

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    The only essential thing required for aviating:

    Cubic Piles of Money ! ......... :supergrin:

    .
     
  13. HerrGlock

    HerrGlock Scouts Out CLM

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    3) Gas that's still in the truck
    4) The rest room at the FBO.
     
  14. Geko45

    Geko45 Smartass Pilot CLM

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    3) Fuel in the truck.

    Edit: Bah! HerrGlock already got that one.

    I just focus on keeping the shiny side up and the pointy end forward.
     
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2012
  15. oceanwarrior

    oceanwarrior

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    Name the 3 types of Aircraft.









    (1). Aircraft that have crashed.

    (2). Aircraft that are going to crash.

    (3). Aircraft that stay on the ground.


    Told to me by a retired pilot!


    oceanwarrior
     
  16. HerrGlock

    HerrGlock Scouts Out CLM

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    Yeah but I never much cared about how much runway was before me or behind me :supergrin:
     
  17. Geko45

    Geko45 Smartass Pilot CLM

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    :wedgie:
     
  18. AK_Stick

    AK_Stick AAAMAD

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    A Lt, or W-1 saying "in my experience"
     
  19. HollowHead

    HollowHead Firm member

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    Did you hear about the woman who backed into a spinning propellor?




    Disaster.


    HH
     
  20. Hawker Man

    Hawker Man

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    Told to me by a stewardess.
    Do you know the difference between God and a pilot?
    God doesn't think he is a pilot.