1. Blaming your farts on me...not funny...not funny 2. Yelling at me for barking... I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG YOU IDIOT!! 3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly who's walk is this anyway? 4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose.....stop it. 5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home. 6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain, you nitwit. 7. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back. 8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't mastered that handshake thing yet. 9. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're jealous. 10. Dog sweaters? Have you noticed the fur? Imbecile.