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Tips for Traveling in W. Virginia

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, Nov 12, 2003.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

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    Location:
    Muskogee Ok.
    1. If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel
    drive pickup and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them,
    just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

    2. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and fish bait in the same store.

    3. Remember: "Y'all" is singular, "All y'all" is plural, and "All y'alls'"
    is plural possessive.

    4. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are ya?"

    5. Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying . they can't
    understand you either.

    6. "Mama'n'em" is not one person. When someone asks, "How's your Mama'n'em?"
    They are referring to the whole family.

    7. Be advised that "He needed killin'" is a valid defense here.

    8. If you hear a West Virginian exclaim, "Hey, y'all watch this!" stay out
    of the way. These are likely the last words he'll ever say.

    9. When you come up on a person driving 15 mph down the middle of the road,
    remember that most folks learn to drive on a John Deere and the rest learned
    to drive while road hunting in the back roads. In both cases, this is the
    proper speed and position for that vehicle.

    10. Do not be surprised to find that 10 year olds own their own shotguns and
    are proficient marksmen. Or that their mamas taught them how to aim.

    11. Shakespeare is a rod or a reel, not a writer.

    12. Duct tape is not only part of every survival kit, it is the whole kit.

    13. Rasslin' is not fake. Don't dare whisper otherwise unless you want a
    kind-hearted West Virginian to fix your busted head with duct tape.

    14. Grapefruit is not a substitute for biscuits and gravy.

    15. Richard Petty, Dale Earnhardt and Elvis are good ole boys. Jeff Gordon
    isn't.

    16. Turkey hunters actually curse Noah for letting coyotes and armadillos on
    the Ark.

    17. If you hear a turkey gobble, get out of the way. Some West Virginians
    view that sound like pay-off bells at a slot machine.

    18. Don't be surprised if an obituary mentions that the deceased requested
    to be buried in his four-wheel drive truck because, "It ain't never been in
    a hole it couldn't get out of."

    19. "Y'all come back now, ya hear," is a temporary statement. We love
    Yankees to visit, but darn (or worse) Yankees are those who decide to stay.

    20. If you decide to stay in West Virginia and bear children, don't think we
    will accept them as West Virginians. After all, if the cat had kittens in
    the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits!
     
  2. Medpilot 2

    Medpilot 2 Smkumifyagotum

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    So the movie Wrong Turn is accurate then.
     

  3. wade

    wade

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    LOL.
    Very good, except for one part. Every Southerner knows that Y'all is never singular. That is just Hollywood's poor attempt through the years to portray the accent.
     
  4. vafish

    vafish

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    Know the difference between a Yankee, Damn Yankee and a a God Damn Yankee?

    A Yankee is someone from up north.

    A Damn Yankee is some one from up north who comes to the south to visit.

    A God Damn Yankee is somone from up north who comes to the south and stays!



    And what are the 3 most common lies in West Virginina?

    1. My truck is paid for.

    2. Honest, I didn't know she was my cousin.

    3. Really, I was just trying to help that sheep get through the fence.