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Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, Feb 11, 2009.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

    Likes Received:
    Oct 28, 2001
    Muskogee Ok.
    1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I
    may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just leave me the hell alone.
    2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky
    3. it’s always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your
    neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
    4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.
    5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
    6. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
    7. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
    8. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car
    9. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That
    way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
    10. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
    11. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he
    will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
    12. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably
    worth it.
    13. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
    14. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.
    15. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
    16. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad
    17. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it
    back in your pocket.
    18. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
    19. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it
    holds the universe together.
    20. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
    21. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
    22. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
    23. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
    24. We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our butt ... then
    things get worse.