Things to do at Wal-Mart while your spouse is taking his/her sweet time: 1. Pick up condom packages & randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking. 2. Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor to the rest rooms. 4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "Code 3 in house wares," and see what happens. 5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away. 6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department. 8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me alone? 9. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose. 10. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. 11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from 'Mission Impossible'. 12. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels. 13. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say 'PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!!!' 14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream 'NO! It's those voices again'. And last but not least, 15. Go into a fitting room and yell real LOUD, "We're out of toilet paper in here!"