The Top Idiots Awards of the Last Millennium!

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by lethal tupperwa, Feb 3, 2003.

  1. lethal tupperwa

    lethal tupperwa

    Likes Received:
    Aug 20, 2002
    The Top Idiots Awards of the Last Millennium!

    Idiot # 1

    I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
    poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she
    caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the
    ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into
    the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to
    mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill
    the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency
    room right away.

    Here's your sign, lady, wear it with pride.

    Idiot # 2

    Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to
    steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it
    out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the river, a
    Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them surprised them. It turned out
    that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that
    activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.

    Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.

    Idiot # 3

    A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of
    America, walked into the Branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your
    muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the
    teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might
    call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank
    of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few
    minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it
    and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light
    in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because
    it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either
    have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
    Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a
    few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

    Don't bother with giving this guy a sign. He probably couldn't read it

    Idiot # 4

    A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured
    his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received In the
    mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent
    the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a
    letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of
    handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.

    Another sign (though this guy might be onto something worth thinking about)!

    Idiot # 5

    Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the
    cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the
    robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the
    shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier
    refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said
    he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't
    believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his
    Wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that
    the man was in fact over 21 and he put the Scotch in the bag. The robber
    then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the
    Police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the
    license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

    Remind me to have more signs printed up. Give this guy his!

    Idiot # 6

    A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.
    The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled
    first bandit shot him.

    This guy doesn't need a sign; he probably figured it out himself.

    Idiot # 7

    Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd
    just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze,
    and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the
    window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
    head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of
    Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape. Oh, that smarts.

    Give him his sign!

    Idiot # 8

    Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
    Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A.M., flashed a gun and demanded
    cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash
    register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk
    said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
    He was picked up fifteen minutes later while in line at the McDonalds.

    (Please note most of these people are no longer allowed to vote)
  2. chip00


    Likes Received:
    Apr 11, 2001
    The above incidents seem improbable but I remember reading about almost all of them. The truth is often stranger than fiction in many ways...
    Wait until I write my book.

  3. pizzaaguy


    Likes Received:
    May 8, 2002
    Central Florida
    A guy here, was coming to trial for drug possession. He was out on bail, and came to the courthouse for his hearing. All "citizens"
    must pass thru metal detectors and screening of personal items.
    This guy dumps the contents of his pockets into a plastic bin for the deputy. "What's that, crack cocaine?", exclaims the deputy.