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The Non-Stress Diet

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, Mar 15, 2004.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

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    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2001
    Location:
    Muskogee Ok.
    This diet is designed to help you cope with stress which normally
    builds up during the day.

    Breakfast

    1/2 Grapefruit
    1 Slice Whole Wheat Toast, Dry
    8 oz. Skim Milk

    Lunch

    4 oz. Lean Broiled Chicken Breast
    1 cup Steamed Spinach
    1 cup Herb Tea
    1 Oreo Cookie

    Mid-Afternoon Snack

    Rest of the Oreos in the package
    2 Pints Rocky Road Ice Cream
    1 Jar Hot Fudge Sauce
    Nuts, Cherries, Whipped Cream

    Dinner

    Loaves Garlic Bread with Cheese
    Large Sausage, Mushroom & Cheese Pizza
    4 Cans or 1 Large Pitcher of Beer
    3 Milky Way or Snickers Candy Bars

    Rules For This Diet

    1.If you eat something, and no one else sees you eat it, it has
    no calories.

    2.When drinking a diet soda while eating a candy bar, the
    calories in the candy bar are canceled by the diet soda.

    3.When you eat with someone else, calories don't count as long as
    you don't eat more than they do.

    4.Foods used for medicinal purposes NEVER count. Example: hot
    chocolate, brandy, toast, and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

    5.If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look
    thinner.

    6.Movie-related foods do not have calories because they are part
    of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.
    Example: Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints and Tootsie
    Rolls.

    7.Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking the
    cookie causes calorie leakage.

    8.Late-night snacks have no calories. The refrigerator light is
    not strong enough for the calories to see their way into the
    calorie counter.

    9.If you are in the process of preparing something, food licked
    off knives and spoons have no calories. Examples: Peanut Butter
    on a knife and ice cream on a spoon.

    10.Food of the same color have the same number of calories.
    Examples are spinach and pistachio ice cream, mushrooms and white
    chocolate. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted
    for any other.