Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang. "Hallo! Mr. Hussein," a heavily accented voice said. "'Tis is Paddy up in County Cavan, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on the bloody Iraquis!" "Well, Paddy," Saddam replied, "this is indeed important news! Tell me, how big is your army?" "At this moment in time," said Paddy after a moment's calculation, "'tis meself, me cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Gerry, and the entire dominoes team from the pub -- that makes eight!" Saddam sighed. "I must tell you Paddy that I have a million men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Begorrah!" said Paddy, "I'll have to bloody well ring you back!" Sure enough, the next day Paddy rang back. "Right Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some equipment!" "And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asked. "Well, we have two combine harvesters, a bulldozer and Murphy's tractor from the farm and a manure spreader from up in county Glen." Once more Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have sixteen thousand tanks, fourteen thousand armoured personnel carriers, and my army has increased to two million men since we last spoke." "Really?" said Paddy "I'll have to ring you back!" Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Right, Mr. Hussein, I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war." "I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?" "Well," said Paddy "We've had a wee peek at the Geneva Convention, all had a chat, and there's no way me 'n tha' lads at the pub can feed two million prisoners."