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The Great English Language

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Mrs Glockrunner, Feb 3, 2012.

  1. Mrs Glockrunner

    Mrs Glockrunner

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    May 19, 2009
    South Carolina
    We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
    But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
    One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
    Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
    You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
    Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

    If the plural of man is always called men,
    Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
    If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
    And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
    If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
    Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

    Then one may be that, and there would be those,
    Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
    And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
    We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
    But though we say mother, we never say methren.
    Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
    But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

    Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
    There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
    Neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
    English muffins weren't invented in England.

    We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,
    We find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
    And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
    And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing,
    Grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

    Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
    If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,
    What do you call it?

    If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
    If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
    Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
    Should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
    In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

    We ship by truck but send cargo by ship...
    We have noses that run and feet that smell.
    We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
    And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
    While a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

    You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
    In which your house can burn up as it burns down,
    In which you fill in a form by filling it out,
    And in which an alarm goes off by going on.

    And in closing..........

    If Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop.???
  2. glockpsych


    Likes Received:
    Jan 28, 2012
    Somewhere USA
    Outstanding! I've often had the same thoughts, but never have heard them so well put. English is a crazy language! But your mastery of it is flawless.

  3. Misty02


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    Aug 25, 2008
    Loved it! :supergrin: In spite many corrections, I still find myself saying that I’m going to “drink a pill” in lieu of “taking a pill”. It seems to not register in my head. If you are not chewing it, then why can’t you say you drank it along with some water? If you took it, does it mean you drank it (I mean, swallowed it)? I guess I could say “swallow a pill” but that sounds odd as well.

    Last edited: Feb 5, 2012
  4. Mrs Glockrunner

    Mrs Glockrunner

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    May 19, 2009
    South Carolina
    I wish I had the mastery you give me credit for. I received this from someone else. But thank you.

    I've heard many times the English language is the hardest to learn. I believe it.
  5. Ringo S.

    Ringo S.

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    Jun 12, 2010
    Great video about english language :)
    [ame=""]Проклятое голосовое управление - YouTube[/ame]