A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the Texas plains without water. His horse has already died of thirst. He's crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand and discovers what looks to be an old briefcase. He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie. She is wearing a FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Agency) ID badge and a dull gray dress. There's a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one ear. 'Well, cowboy,' says the genie..You know how I work....You have three wishes.' 'I'm not falling for this.' said the cowboy... 'I'm not going to trust a FEMA genie.' 'What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation and it looks like you're a goner anyway!' The cowboy thinks about this for a minute and decides that the genie is right. 'OK!, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink.' ***POO*********** The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen and he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies. 'OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish.' 'My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams.' ***POO*********** The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems. 'OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!' After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says... 'I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me.' ***POO*********** He was turned into a tampon. Moral of the story: If the government offers to help you, there's going to be a string attached.