The cannibals vs. Israeli soldier

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by SoDFW Jason, Jul 9, 2003.

  1. SoDFW Jason

    SoDFW Jason Slow Hillbilly

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    Dan Rather, Jesse Jackson, Cokie Roberts from National Public Radio and
    an
    Israeli soldier were hiking through the jungle one day when they were
    captured by cannibals. They were tied up, led to the village and
    brought
    before the chief. The chief said, "I am familiar with your western
    custom of
    granting the condemned a last wish. Before we kill and eat you, do you
    have
    any last requests?"

    Dan Rather said, "Well, I'm a Texan; so I'd like one last bowlful of
    hot,
    spicy chili." The chief nodded to an underling, who left and returned
    with
    the chili. Rather ate it all and said, "Now I can die content."

    Jesse Jackson said, "You know, the thing in this life I am proudest of
    is my
    work on behalf of the poor and oppressed. So before I go, I want to
    sing "We
    Shall Overcome" one last time."

    The chief said, "Go right ahead, we're listening."

    Jackson sang the song, and then said, "Now I can die in peace."

    Cokie Roberts said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my
    tape
    recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe
    someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the
    end."
    The chief directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder, and Roberts
    dictated some comments. She then said, "Now I can die happy."

    The chief turned and said, "And now, Mr. Israeli soldier, what is your
    final
    wish?"

    "Kick me in the ass." said the Israeli.

    "What?" said the chief. "Will you mock us in your last hour?"

    "No, I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass." insisted the
    Israeli.

    So the chief untied the soldier, shoved him into the open, and kicked
    him in
    the ass. The Israeli went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a
    9mm
    pistol from his waistband, and shot the chief dead. In the resulting
    confusion, he leapt to his knapsack, pulled out his Uzi, and sprayed
    the
    cannibals with gunfire. In a flash, the cannibals were dead or fleeing
    for
    their lives. As the Israeli was untying the others, they asked him,
    "Why
    didn't you just shoot them? Why did you ask them to kick you in the
    ass?"

    "What!?" said the Israeli, "And have you schmucks call ME the
    aggressor?!?"
     
  2. okie

    okie GT Mayor

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    ROTFFLMFAO!!!;i ;i ;i ;i ;i ;j ;I
     

  3. SoDFW Jason

    SoDFW Jason Slow Hillbilly

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    Just trying to give some of the grins back that you give us Okie.
     
  4. Steve Koski

    Steve Koski Got Insurance? Millennium Member

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    Oh baby. Nice work!
     
  5. Bilbo Baggins

    Bilbo Baggins

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    NOW THAT WAS JUST TOO FUNNY
     
  6. frettedfive

    frettedfive KE5BSR

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    Hmm... shouldn't it be more like:

    The Israeli went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9mm pistol from his waistband, racked the slide, and shot the chief dead

    ;d

    ;f ;f ;f

    Mickey
     
  7. Steve Koski

    Steve Koski Got Insurance? Millennium Member

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    No, if it said that, it would belong in the "perfect GT post" thread.
     
  8. frettedfive

    frettedfive KE5BSR

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    ... good point ;)

    Mickey