The "BUTCHER DANCE" is the most sacred of our rituals!

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by lethal tupperwa, Oct 27, 2002.

  1. lethal tupperwa

    lethal tupperwa

    Likes Received:
    Aug 20, 2002
    A guy has spent five years travelling all around the world making a
    documentary movie on Native dances. At the end of this time, he has
    every single native dance of every indigenous culture in the world on
    film. He winds up in Australia, in Alice Springs, so he pops into a pub
    for a well-earned beer. He gets talking to one of the local Aborigines
    and tells him about his project.
    The Aborigine asks the guy what he thought of the "Butcher Dance."
    The guy's a bit confused and says, "Butcher Dance? What's that?"
    "What? You no see Butcher Dance??""No, I've never heard of it."
    Oh mate. You crazy. How you say you film every native dance if you no
    see Butcher dance?"
    "UmmSUM. I got corroborree on film just the other week. Is that whatyou
    "No no, not corroborree. Butcher Dance much more important thancorroborree."
    "Oh, well how can I see this Butcher Dance then?"
    "Mate, Butcher Dance way out in the bush. Many days travel to go see
    Butcher Dance."
    "Look I've been everywhere from the forests of the Amazon, to deepest
    darkest Africa, to the frozen wastes of the Arctic filming these dances.
    Nothing will prevent me from recording the one last dance."
    "OK, mate. You drive 197 miles, you see dirt track veer off to left.
    Follow dirt track for 126 miles 'til you see big huge dead gum tree -
    biggest tree you ever see. Here you gotta leave car, because much too
    rough for driving. You strike out due west into setting sun. You walk 3
    days 'til you hit creek. You follow this creek to Northwest. After 2
    days you find where creek flows out of rocky mountains. Much too
    difficult to cross mountains here though. You now head south for half
    day 'til you see pass through mountains. Pass very difficult and
    dangerous. Take 2, maybe 3 days to get through rocky pass. When through,
    head northwest for 5 days 'til reach big huge rock - 20ft high and
    shaped like man's head. From rock, walk due west for 2 days and you
    find village. Here you see Butcher Dance."
    So the guy grabs his camera crew and equipment and heads out. After a
    couple of hours he finds the dirt track. The track is in a shocking
    state and he's forced to crawl along at a snails pace and so he doesn't
    reach the tree until dusk and he's forced to set up camp for the night.
    He sets out bright and early the following morning. His spirits are high
    and he's excited about the prospect of capturing on film this mysterious
    dance which he had never heard mention of before. True to the directions
    he has been given, he reaches the creek after three days and follows it
    for another two until they reach the rocky mountains. The merciless sun
    is starting to take its toll by this time and his spirits are starting
    to flag, but he wearily trudges on until he finds the pass through the
    hills - nothing will prevent him from completing his life's dream. When
    they reach the huge rock, four days later, their water is running low
    and their feet are covered with blisters. Yet they steel themselves and
    head out on the last leg of their journey. Two days later they virtually
    stagger into the village where the natives feed them and give them fresh
    water. They begin to feel like new men. Once he's recovered enough, the
    guy goes before the village Chief and tells him that he has come to film
    their Butcher Dance.
    "Oh mate. Very bad you come today. Butcher Dance last night. You too
    late. You miss dance.""Well, when do you hold the next dance?"
    "Not 'til next year."
    "Well, I've come all this way. Couldn't you just hold an extra dance for
    me, tonight?"
    "No, no, no! Butcher Dance very holy. Only hold once a year. If hold
    more, gods get very angry and destroy village! You want see
    Butcher Dance you come back next year."
    The guy is devastated, but he has no other option but to head back to
    civilization and back home. The following year, he heads back to
    Australia and, determined not to miss out again, sets out a week earlier
    than last time. He is quite willing to spend a week in the village
    before the dance is performed in order to ensure he is present to
    witness it. However, right from the start things go wrong. Heavy rains
    that year have turned the dirt track to mud and the car gets bogged
    every few miles, finally forcing them to abandon their vehicles and slog
    through the mud on foot almost half the distance to the tree. They reach
    the creek and the mountains without any further hitch, but halfway
    through the ascent of the mountain they are struck by a fierce storm
    which rages for several days, during which they are forced to cling
    forlornly to the mountainside until it subsides. It would be suicide to
    attempt to scale the treacherous paths in the face of such savage
    elements. Then, before they have traveled a mile out from the mountains,
    one of the crew sprains his ankle badly which slows down the rest of
    their journey enormously, to the rock and then the village. Eventually,
    having lost all sense of how long they have been travelling, they
    stagger into the village at about 12:00 noon.
    "The Butcher Dance!" gasps the guy. "Please don't tell me I'm too late!"
    The Chief recognizes him and says "No white fella. Butcher Dance
    performed tonight. You come just in time." Relieved beyond measure,
    the crew spends the rest of the afternoon setting up their equipment
    preparing to capture the night's ritual on celluloid as dusk falls, the
    natives start to cover their bodies in white paint and adorn themselves
    in all manner of bird's feathers and animal skins. Once darkness has
    settled fully over the land, the natives form a circle around a huge
    roaring fire. A deathly hush descends over performers and spectators
    alike as a wizened old figure with elaborate swirling designs covering
    his entire body enters the circle and begins to chant. Some sort of
    witch doctor or medicine man, figures the guy and he whispers to thechief,
    "What's he doing?"
    "Hush," whispers the chief. "You first white man ever to see most sacred
    of our rituals. Must remain silent. Holy man, he asks that spirits of
    the dream world watch as we demonstrate our devotion to them through our
    dance and, if they like our dancing, will they be so gracious as to
    watch over us and protect us for another year."
    The chanting of the Holy man reaches a stunning crescendo before he
    moves himself from the circle. From somewhere the rhythmic pounding of
    drums booms out across the land and the natives begin to sway to the
    stirring rhythm.
    The guy is becoming caught up in the fervor of the moment himself.
    This is it. He now realizes beyond all doubt that his wait has not been
    in vain. He is about to witness the ultimate performance of rhythm and
    movement ever conceived by mankind...the Butcher Dance.
    The Chief strides to his position in the circle and, in a big booming
    voice, starts to sing, He says, "You butch yer right arm in. You butch
    yer right arm out. You butch yer right arm in and shake it all about"
  2. shu

    shu Millennium Member

    Likes Received:
    Dec 10, 1999
    pharr, tx
    Ya got me fair and square.