The Beer Bill Of Rights

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by goldenlight, Sep 26, 2007.

  1. goldenlight

    goldenlight

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    Apr 15, 2007
    Stolen from rec.humor:

    My friends and I thought this up after a weekend party at which much beer
    was consumed.

    THE BEER BILL OF RIGHTS
    by Jim Kasprzak, Jeff Jankowski and Ron Sperber
    with a little inspiration from
    the Founding Fathers of the United States

    1. Congress shall make no law disrespecting an establishment of beer,
    or prohibiting the free consumption thereof; or abridging the freedom
    of bar service, or of brewing; or the right of the people peacably to
    assemble, and to petition the bartender for a round of beers.

    2. A well-stocked bar being necessary to the security of a free State,
    the right of the people to brew and consume beer shall not be infringed.

    3. No beer shall, in time of heat be quartered in any house without
    refrigeration, nor in time of cold, except in a manner prescribed by law.

    4. The right of the people to be secure in their beer, bottles, glasses,
    and brewing effects, against unreasonable searches and seziures, shall
    not be violated, and no last calls shall be issued, but upon the proper
    time, supported by the clock, and particularly offering the bar patrons
    the opportunity to purchase and consume one more beer before closing.

    5. No person shall be held to consume a second-rate, or otherwise
    infamous beer, unless on presentment or indictment of a large bar bill,
    except in cases arising in block parties or backyard barbecues, or at a
    fraternity house, when in actual celebration in time of holidays or
    sporting events; nor shall any person subject for the same bar bill to
    be twice put in jeopardy of cash or credit; nor shall be compelled in
    any drinking establishment to purchase beer for anyone other than himself;
    nor be deprived of beer without due process of law; nor shall private
    stocks of beer be taken for public consumption without just compensation.

    6. In all drinking establishments, the patron shall enjoy the right to
    speedy and courteous service, by a qualified bartender of the establishment
    wherein the beer shall have been ordered, which establishment shall have
    been previously licensed by law, and to be informed of the nature and price
    of the beer; to be presented with the bar tab against him; to have
    compulsory process for obtaining the beer which was ordered, and to have
    the assistance of the bartender for service.

    7. In bills at drinking establishments, where the value in controversy
    shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of service shall be preserved,
    and no tab presented by a bartender shall be otherwise re-examined in
    any drinking establishment in the United States, than according to the
    rules of the common law.

    8. Excessive drinking shall not be required, nor excessive prices imposed,
    nor cruel and unusual beers inflicted.

    9. The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain beers, shall not be
    construed to deny or disparage others consumed by the people.

    10. The beers not supplied to the bars by mass marketing, nor brewed
    in microbreweries, are reserved to the brewpubs respectively, or to the
    people.