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Ten Things You'd Never Hear A Redneck Say

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, Mar 31, 2008.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

    Likes Received:
    Oct 28, 2001
    Muskogee Ok.
    1. I thought Grace land was tacky.
    2. No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe.
    3. Do you think my hair is too big?
    4. Honey, did you mail that donation to Green peace?
    5. The tires on that truck are too big.
    6. I've got it all on a floppy disk.
    7. Do you think this ball cap goes with this shirt?
    8. Damned if that politician isn’t honest!
    9. We're vegetarians. I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.
    10. You can't feed that to the dog.
  2. Blitzer

    Blitzer Cool Cat

    Likes Received:
    Jan 15, 2004
    The communist's play ground of OHIO
    40 things you will never hear a Red neck say.

    [FONT=&quot]40. Oh I just couldn't, she's only sixteen.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]38. Duct tape won't fix that.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]37. Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]35. We don't keep firearms in this house.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]33. You can't feed that to the dog.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]32. I thought Graceland was tacky.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]30. Wrestling's fake.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]28. We're vegetarians.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]27. Do you think my gut is too big?[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]25. Honey, we don't need another dog.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]24. Who cares who won the Civil War?[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]21. Spitting is such a nasty habit.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]20. I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]19. Trim the fat off that steak.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]17. The tires on that truck are too big.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]15. I've got it all on the C drive.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]13. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]12. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]9. Checkmate.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]8. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]7. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]6. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]5. I don't have a favorite college team.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]4. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]3. You All.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darlin'.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]1. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin’ tonight.[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    <o:p> </o:p>

  3. Blitzer

    Blitzer Cool Cat

    Likes Received:
    Jan 15, 2004
    The communist's play ground of OHIO
    25 Ways to Tell You're from NW Pennsylvania

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]1. You've never met any celebrities [/FONT] [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway[/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]3. "Vacation" means driving through Cook's Forest or going to Waldameer[/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]4. You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.[/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]5. You measure distance in minutes[/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]6. Down south to you means West Virginia[/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]7. You know several people who have hit a deer[/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]8. You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Presque Isle"[/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]9. Your school classes were cancelled because of cold[/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]10. You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way[/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]11. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day[/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]12. You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."[/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]13. You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July[/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]14. You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.[/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]15. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year.[/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]16. You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: "Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to the mall I wanna go with."[/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]17. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, or grain De-tassling was your first job[/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]18. Your idea of a really great tenderloin is when the meat is twice as big as the bun and accompanied only by ketchup and a dill pickle slice[/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]19. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked[/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]20. You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows[/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]21. When asked how your trip was to any foreign, exotic place, you say,"It was different."[/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]22. You consider being called a "Pork Queen" an honor[/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]23. You carry jumper cables in your car[/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]24. You drink "pop"[/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]25. You know what "cow tipping" is[/FONT]
  4. Blitzer

    Blitzer Cool Cat

    Likes Received:
    Jan 15, 2004
    The communist's play ground of OHIO
    10 Ways to Tell You're in for a Bad Day

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]You Know You're in for a Bad Day When...[/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]1) You wake up - face down on the pavement.[/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]2) You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.[/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]3) You see a "60 minutes" news team waiting for you in your office.[/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]4) Your twin sister forgets your birthday.[/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]5) You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then you realize you don't have a waterbed.[/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]6) Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hells Angels on the freeway.[/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]7) Your boss tells you to not bother taking off your coat.[/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]8) The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.[/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]9) You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your business.[/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]10) Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.[/FONT]