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Tell Me a Joke Related to...

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Your own ethnicity, religion, profession, race, etc.
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· Viva Hate
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20,894 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Recently atop the new 60 story building being constructed in down town Salt lake City the following was overheard:

"Hey Mac, come over here to the edge with me; what's your name?"

"I'm Ralph, who are you?"

"Well, Ralph, I'm Jeff, sent here by the prophet to bring good news, are you a member of the priesthood, Ralph?"

"Yea, sure, Melchizedek in fact, Why Jeff?"

"Well, Ralph, do you recall how Jesus walked on water? Well, the prophet has been given the keys to walk on air and extends it to all the priesthood. Here, watch this."

Jeff steps off the ledge and walks out about ten feet and stands there in mid air.

"Wow!" says Ralph, "Do you mean I can do that?"

"Certainly", replies Jeff, "Just make a leap of faith."

Ralph takes a step from the ledge and plunges screaming to the pavement 60 floors below. Jeff walks back to the building and calls to another worker, "Hey, Mac, come over here."

Meanwhile on the street a passerby notices the occasional rain of bodies and approaches an apparently unconcerned worker nearby,

"Say, didn't you see several workers falling from above?"

"Oh yea, it's just Superman screwing around with the Mormons again."
 

· Disirregardless
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9,913 Posts
A bunch of crackers in Congress are going to save the economy. :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
 

· Broken Member
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1,264 Posts
A woman is sitting at the end of the pier, she's got no legs and no arms and she's crying.

Guy walks by and asks "What's wrong?"

She says "I've never been hugged."

He picks her up hugs her, and puts her down.

Next day he comes by and she's crying again. He asks again "What's wrong?"

She says "I've never been kissed."

He picks her up, kisses her, and puts her down.

He comes by a third day and she's still sitting there crying. He asks "Now what's wrong?"

She says "I've never been ****ed."

So he picks her up, throws her off the pier and says "Now you're ****ed!"
 

· Disirregardless
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9,913 Posts
osiruscyn;11430721 said:
A woman is sitting at the end of the pier, she's got no legs and no arms and she's crying.

Guy walks by and asks "What's wrong?"

She says "I've never been hugged."

He picks her up hugs her, and puts her down.

Next day he comes by and she's crying again. He asks again "What's wrong?"

She says "I've never been kissed."

He picks her up, kisses her, and puts her down.

He comes by a third day and she's still sitting there crying. He asks "Now what's wrong?"

She says "I've never been ****ed."

So he picks her up, throws her off the pier and says "Now you're ****ed!"
So are you an amputee or a virgin?:dunno:
 

· Broken Member
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1,264 Posts
I'm the ******* that would have tossed her off the pier.
 

· Impossiblist
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42,725 Posts
osiruscyn;11430721 said:
A woman is sitting at the end of the pier, she's got no legs and no arms and she's crying.

Guy walks by and asks "What's wrong?"

She says "I've never been hugged."

He picks her up hugs her, and puts her down.

Next day he comes by and she's crying again. He asks again "What's wrong?"

She says "I've never been kissed."

He picks her up, kisses her, and puts her down.

He comes by a third day and she's still sitting there crying. He asks "Now what's wrong?"

She says "I've never been ****ed."

So he picks her up, throws her off the pier and says "Now you're ****ed!"
that is a gilbert gottfried joke that I quoted not long after the formation of this forum in a joke thread.
 

· Broken Member
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1,264 Posts
well it's my favorite joke so blow me.
 

· Eh?
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11,411 Posts
Ole and Lena went to the hospital so Lena could give birth to their first baby. As Ole waited in the lobby, the doctor came out to inform him that he had some good news and some bad news. "The good news is that you have a normal baby boy. The bad news is that is is a Caesarian."

Ole started crying: "Vell, I'm glad it is a healthy baby...but I vas kinda hoping it vould be a Norvegian."
 

· That's right!
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8,079 Posts
A Catholic school biology teacher was quizzing the class. He calls on the "pet student"
How many bones are there in the human body?
The pet answers "208"


The class clown volunteers, "Father Brennan has 209."
 

· Disirregardless
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misskitty5077;11431739 said:
Ah. An honest ******* :rofl:
Wasn't that Lincoln's campaign slogan, or something?
 

· Sharon, you will be missed.
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26,145 Posts
Abe's father is a widower and a multi-millionaire. He also has a terminal illness and is likely to pass away soon. Abe, a single man, decides he needs a woman with whom to enjoy his soon-to-be-received fortune and where better to find one than in a single's bar.

With luck, on his first visit, Abe meets Rifka, a woman whose beauty literally takes his breath away.
"I'm just a standard kind of a nice guy," he says to her, "but in a week or two's time my dear father is expected to die and I'll inherit over 20 million."

Rifka goes home with Abe and the following day becomes his stepmother...
 

· NRA Life Member
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8,049 Posts
Being of English and Cuban descent, I got...


Why are there no swimming pools in Cuba?

All the Cubans who can swim are here already.



How many Englishmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Dear man, a proper Englishman screws only in the bedroom. In a light bulb- how preposterous!
 

· Registered
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tat2guy;11432837 said:
Being of English and Cuban descent, I got...


Why are there no swimming pools in Cuba?

All the Cubans who can swim are here already.



How many Englishmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Dear man, a proper Englishman screws only in the bedroom. In a light bulb- how preposterous!
Are we related? I too am English and Cuban.

You stole my Cuban joke BTW. :rofl:
 

· Freelancer
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9,665 Posts
I'm glad this thread came up, because I've been wanting to make sure our Jew threads don't go overboard. I understand that a few laughs are all well and good so long as the Jewish members of the subforum are okay with it, but I want to make sure everyone stays well away from the Holocaust as much as possible. It's a sore subject of mine. I lost my grandfather at Dachau.

He fell off a guard tower!

...annnnnnnd that's the only German joke I know. I know a few Irish jokes, but I think I've seen most of 'em posted around here before.
 

· Registered
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Critias;11433437 said:
I'm glad this thread came up, because I've been wanting to make sure our Jew threads don't go overboard. I understand that a few laughs are all well and good so long as the Jewish members of the subforum are okay with it, but I want to make sure everyone stays well away from the Holocaust as much as possible. It's a sore subject of mine. I lost my grandfather at Dachau.

He fell off a guard tower!

...annnnnnnd that's the only German joke I know. I know a few Irish jokes, but I think I've seen most of 'em posted around here before.
:rofl::rofl::rofl:
 
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