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Telemarketers suck

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, May 16, 2003.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

    Likes Received:
    Oct 28, 2001
    Muskogee Ok.
    Telemarketers suck big time. Here are some proven ways to rid
    your life of these clowns for good...

    1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for
    bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

    2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad
    you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have
    all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are
    sore, my dog just died . . . "

    3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to
    spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then
    ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business,
    how many people work there, how they got into this line of work
    if they are married, how many kids they have etc. Continue asking
    them personal questions or questions about their company for as
    long as necessary.

    4. (This works great if you are male) Telemarketer: "Hi, my name
    is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and
    with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

    5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how
    have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief
    moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know
    you from.

    6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one,
    and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This
    is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

    7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and
    Friends Plan reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't
    have any friends, would you be my friend?"

    8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood?
    Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

    9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her
    to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you
    can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

    10. If the Telemarketer is selling raffle tickets, tell him or
    her that you work for the same company, and that employees cannot

    11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a
    Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "OH MY GOD!" and
    then hang up.

    12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask if
    he/she will give you their home phone number so you can call
    him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers
    cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want
    anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree
    and you say, "Me either!" and proceed to hang up.

    13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

    14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please
    hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at
    your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your
    dinner conversation. For added effect, clanging of cutlery and
    dishes is recommended.

    15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask
    if they could bring you some beer.

    16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

    17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should
    probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

    18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a
    joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your

    19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak
    up... louder... louder!

    20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write
    every word down.
  2. MarksGlock22

    MarksGlock22 The Punisher

    Likes Received:
    Mar 4, 2002

  3. 0100010

    0100010 Millennium Member

    Likes Received:
    Sep 15, 1999
    1 - Just act retarded, you know loud incoherent words, fumbled laughing, be sure to say "Hello!?!" a few times to get the point across. They hang up quick...

    2 - When they ask for "John(insert name)", say "Hold on let me check and see if he/she(John) is here." Put the phone down (mic up), and yell loudly "John?, John!, Telephone!", etc for a minute or so, then come back to the phone, and say, "There's no John here, you must have the wrong number...."
  4. riddleofsteel

    riddleofsteel Pulpa est valeo

    Likes Received:
    May 24, 2002
    above ground
    Another spin;

    Tell them you have something on the stove, lay the phone down and walk off. I often wonder how long it takes them to realize I am not coming back.

    If the marketer is a female, tell her she sounds very nice and ask her what kind of underware she has on. If she does not hang up right away start telling her what kind of underware turns you on.

    If the marketer is a male, ask him if he is wearing panties or panty hose. If he says no ask him if it matters that you are wearing a teddy. Continue as needed.
  5. okie

    okie GT Mayor

    Likes Received:
    Oct 28, 2001
    Muskogee Ok.
    That should deffently work ROTFLMAO:cool: