Suggestions/Advice for a gun as a gift to my 10yo Nephew (with back story)

Discussion in 'The Okie Corral' started by Jade Falcon, Jul 27, 2016.

  1. Jade Falcon

    Jade Falcon WTF EREN?!

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    I had lunch yesterday with my mother, and we talked about my 10 year old nephew, Skyler.

    Recently, I've had the idea that I want to get him his first firearm. It would be in my name until he turns 18, and I would keep it locked up at my place.

    But....I don't know if it would be worth it to get him a gun, based on a very long conversation that my mother had with me about him. The details of which I didn't know. Let me explain....

    He's my sister's only child. She does not have custody of him because she has a history with drugs and alcohol. Despite my trying to talk about it with my mother, she's animate that my sister is not fit to raise a child. She currently lives with a boyfriend...who she met in rehab, and who has a family of his own (from what I understand). So I guess my mother has a point there. My sister still visits her son regularly (from what I understand), but she's not fit to raise a child. I personally have not seen my sister in a few years, nor do I want anything to do with her until she can be trusted.

    The father isn't in the picture AT ALL. He moved on with his life and met another girl who has a family. That's his life now. He wants absolutely nothing to do with his son. There's major tension between him, my family, and his own family (he has issues with his own mother). This seems to be a recycled pattern, since his own father did pretty much the exact same thing to him.

    He was 16 when he knocked my sister up (she was in her 20s), and for a while they made it work. They lived together in a beautiful apartment, had very good jobs, and both had their own cars. He stayed in high school and graduated.

    Then my sister relapsed back into drugs; specifically Heroine. They both developed a $5,000/day habit with sales and personal use before my sister lost her job, was evicted from her apartment, and lost her car. She hit rock-bottom and spent a couple months in rehab. He tried (I guess) making it work, but my sister is not exactly the most stable person in the world. For that, I can't fault him for moving on. But he's a bastard for not being there for his own son.

    So now Skyler lives at his grandparent's house here in town (his father's parent's house, not mine). But they are both uneducated Washingtonians who are disconnected from reality. They're also of the belief that "God will put things right" (whereas I'm of the belief that Religion is great...as long as you have a healthy dose of common sense in your daily life as well). So, on top of both of them working low-wage retail jobs 10 hours a day, they also raise 3 children: Skyler (who they have primary custody of), Skyler's cousin (their child), and Skyler's best-friend (who they also have custody over because of home problems of his own).

    As a result, discipline is not high in this house. And as a result, my nephew is HUGE. Absolutely morbidly obese. He eats what he wants, and doesn't get any exercise. They don't make him eat healthy, and are more concerned about being his friend than being a responsible guardian.

    I can't raise Skyler myself. I've got personal issues of my own, and I live in a one-bedroom apartment that is not suited for anyone more than I.

    My mother is furious and frustrated about the situation Skyler is in, but there is little that she can do about any of this. My father works full time traveling, so there's also not much he can do about this either. That, and they're both old (my mother is 60, and my father will be there soon as well), and they can't raise a child full time. My mother does what she can, but she also works.

    So my mother is trying to get him to go to "Lego Camp", which I guess is some kind of babysitting job for kids or something where they learn about building things. But Skyler is bailing out and deciding that he doesn't want to go. I'm not sure why, but if I had to guess I'd say it's because he can't keep up with the other kids because of his weight. And he's depressed.

    There is absolutely NO question in my mind that he's depressed. As someone who's dealt with depression, I know what he's going through. He wants his father (who doesn't want him), and he wants his mother (who can't take him). He's going to be bullied by others when school starts up because of his weight, and my fear is that he'll become a bully himself. These people who are his legal guardians (the people I mentioned) don't raise him properly, and my mother is afraid to just confront them and give them a piece of her mind (which I support....hell, I'd even do it myself).

    He was going to counseling a few years back until that Doctor retired. Now I'm looking around for a shrink that he can see, who specializes in kids. My mother knows he has depression as well, and she's trying to get him into counseling too.

    I also want to get him into Boy Scouts (former Boy Scout and Explorer Scout myself), but if he's bailing on a simple day camp, I don't know how he's going to keep up a weekly scout-meeting schedule; never-mind camping trips.

    So.....having said all of this.....do you think a gun is the right gift to give him? Here's my reasoning (and by the way, I've JUST found out how bad all of this is, I didn't know when I thought up this gift):

    -I could take him to the range (not sure if there's one close by that allows kids...it's not looking promising).
    -I could get him involved in shooting sports as a child, which I hope would develop into responsibility and become something fun for him to be active in.
    -It would get him out of the house, and I could develop a relationship with him. We could both become active, which is something both of us seriously need.
    -He could meet new people, and hopefully kids his own age.

    I'm thinking a Ruger .22 pistol, or a Ruger .22 Rifle.

    But...with all that's going on in his life, where do you think the priorities should be? Counseling first? We all only want what's best for this kid.

    When football season starts up, my father and I are taking him with us each weekend to a new 49er Club that we found recently (before that, we were going to a 49er Club at a bar that didn't allow children). But that's not enough. He needs more than that.

    Thanks folks. I'm open to suggestions.
     
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  2. dudel

    dudel

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    The only way I would get him a gun, would be if it stayed with me when not in use. I would not trust a gun to be secured in his current environment. Pick him up to go to the range or some private property where you can shoot with him. Gun stays in your name and your possession.

    Just my $.02
     
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  3. Jade Falcon

    Jade Falcon WTF EREN?!

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    Oh there's NO WAY I'd let ANYONE have this gun besides me. If my parents want to get a safe and store it at their place, that's fine. I trust them, and they are responsible people who live alone. But they tend to be antsy when it come to firearms, so it would stay at my place.

    Thanks. I was thinking the same line you were.
     
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  4. TBO

    TBO Why so serious? CLM

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    I think you can do all that without buying him a gun.

    Maybe a gift that can lead to some physical activity.

    Along those lines, a bicycle, Frisbee, glove & ball, football, fishing pole, etc?

    There's no right or wrong answer. Do what you think is best as you are closest to everything.

    I just think you can get all the benefits of the gun gift just taking him shooting and avoid any downsides of giving the gun as a gift.

    All the best

    Sent from my Jackboot using Copatalk
     
  5. Jade Falcon

    Jade Falcon WTF EREN?!

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    Hmm. I'll run these by my mother. Unfortunately, she knows him better than I do (I'm not proud of that). I don't know if he already has a bike or not. But I get what you're saying: any physical activity is better than none.
     
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  6. dudel

    dudel

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    You could start him with a nice pellet gun/rifle. Shoot that in the backyard. See if he enjoys it. Not everyone does. Pellets are also easier and cheaper to get than 22LR.
     
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  7. Jade Falcon

    Jade Falcon WTF EREN?!

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    Uh, yeah, I don't see that happening. My parent's won't allow it (nevermind the fact they don't have much of a backyard), and I'm willing to bet I doubt his legal guardians would allow it too.

    That, and I don't want it in the backyard of a home with two other kids and probably friends that come over too. I don't want a bunch of grabby hands and "gimmie gimmie".
     
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  8. ThunderTrumped

    ThunderTrumped

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    the ruger sr 22 is a great little pistol and the M&P 22 is as well
    i bought both for my son a few years back which led to the M&P 15-22.
    if your going to keep them at your residence then why not..
     
  9. dudel

    dudel

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    You keep control of the pellet gun as well.
     
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  10. JMS

    JMS 02

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    Your parents need to suck it up and take care of him. Out of everyone you mentioned they are his only hope.
     
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  11. Huaco Kid

    Huaco Kid

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    Introducing guns into that debacle, and teaching him how to use them, sounds like a magnificent idea.

    I say, do it.
     
  12. Gun Shark

    Gun Shark

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    Buy a gun for yourself, for him to use. When he is old enough and responsible enough give it to him as a birthday present.
     
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  13. Ofc.JL

    Ofc.JL

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    I agree with dudel. You might get be able to get him interested in something, like shooting, and that could help. But it also may not help at all. Depends on if he has given up on himself. That's going to be your main problem with him. If that can be fixed, then you might be able to turn him around. Good luck, 'cause this sounds like a really bad luck case and those are hard to fix.
     
  14. Jade Falcon

    Jade Falcon WTF EREN?!

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    Can the SR-22 and M&P 22 fit a child's hands? And how available would an M&P 15-22 be with the current political climate, and how much? I kinda don't want to spend more than $400-ish dollars on a gun here.

    I appreciate that, but my point is I don't really want to teach him how to shoot in the back yard of a suburban home. If I'm going to teach him, I'd rather have an open range or, preferably, a vacant piece of property somewhere.

    His current guardians are not likely to give up sole custody. That, and I really wasn't kidding: my parents DO work, and my mother would have to change an entire lifestyle to raise him. She's 60, she has a job that she loves, she has extra-curricular activities that she volunteers with daily (which Skyler is too young to participate in). If she was in her 40s, I'd say "do it". But she's a 3-time cancer survivor not in the best of health and still recovering from her last treatment, and my father travels constantly.

    And to get harsh about it: she doesn't want to raise a child. She did that already with two kids of her own. She loves Skyler to death, but it's just not practical at her age.

    So I really don't see that happening. But I agree with you in theory. I will discuss it further with my mother.

    Good thinking, thank you. And thanks Ofc.JL.
     
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  15. refugeepj

    refugeepj

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    at least until the boy demonstrates responsible, healthy activity and interest.
    time spent in a positive way, best gift.

    should he show the right stuff, perhaps an SR22 to start, if you chose semi auto to begin, but probably better is a revolver. that was where I started all my children. 22 revolver.
     
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  16. ThunderTrumped

    ThunderTrumped

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    my son was about 11 when i stocked him up and against the wifes approval..
    we just hid it from her like we do with all the toys we buy at times...
    the ruger is perfect for young shooters and females.. it has two handles for sizing i believe..
    it really is a sweet pistol and is reliable..
    the mp is a full size replica for training into a full sized gun..
     
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  17. ThunderTrumped

    ThunderTrumped

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    good luck with the mp15-22.. it has a cult like following and people have theirs outfitted with more stuff than a AR end of world type stuff...
     
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  18. GamerGirl

    GamerGirl 100% Relevant

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    It sounds like you are trying to influence the outcome without having any actual power which is hard.

    Sure, buy him the gun, spend time with him. But don't be under any delusions you can change anything with no power which can be very frustrating. Be very clear and realistic about what you can do as you said you and your parents have your own issues. I do applaud your involvement and think it will likely do him good but might be exhausting for you.

    Oh I got my son a little .22 Henry rifle.
     
  19. Jade Falcon

    Jade Falcon WTF EREN?!

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    Thank you for that. It is very frustrating for everyone; especially my mother. I recently found that the best thing I can do for her is to be a listener. She was really wired up about this when I saw her, and I'm glad I was able to be there for her.

    And that Henry is a good idea. Fun to shoot and reliable. Definitely going to consider that.
     
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  20. GamerGirl

    GamerGirl 100% Relevant

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    You and your family are doing something that is pretty normal and yet fruitless. If you see something bad happening but can't/won't take on responsibility, prepare for the worst. It sounds to me like this isn't even about your nephew, it's about your mom. That's a subtle but important distinction. I suppose you could always report to DCFS but that will likely cause nothing to change except less access to the poor child.
     
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