Subject: Memory Lane

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by lethal tupperwa, Feb 26, 2003.

  1. lethal tupperwa

    lethal tupperwa

    Likes Received:
    Aug 20, 2002
    Ahhhh, those were the days,,,,,,

    My Mom used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread mayo on the same cutting
    board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn't seem to get food

    My Mom used to defrost hamburger on the counter AND I used to eat it raw
    sometimes too, but I can't remember getting E-coli.

    Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming in the lake instead of a
    pristine pool (talk about boring), The term cell phone would have conjured
    up a phone in a jail cell, and a pager was the school PA system.

    We all took gym, not PE ... and risked permanent injury with a pair of high
    top Ked's (only worn in gym) instead of having cross- training athletic
    shoes with air cushion soles and built in light reflectors. I can't recall
    any injuries but they must have happened because they tell us how much safer
    we are now.

    Flunking gym was not an option ... even for stupid kids! I guess PE must be
    much harder than gym.

    Every year, someone taught the whole school a lesson by running in the halls
    with leather soles on linoleum tile and hitting the wet spot. How much
    better off would we be today if we only knew we could have sued the school

    Speaking of school, we all said prayers and the pledge and staying in
    detention after school caught all sorts of negative attention. We must have
    had horribly damaged psyches.

    Schools didn't offer 14 year olds an abortion or condoms (we wouldn't have
    known what either was anyway) but they did give us a couple of baby aspirin
    and cough syrup if we started getting the sniffles. What an archaic health
    system we had then. Remember school nurses? Ours wore a hat and everything.

    I thought that I was supposed to accomplish something before I was allowed
    to be proud of myself. I just can't recall how bored we were without
    computers! Play Station, Nintendo, X-box or 270 digital cable stations.

    I must be repressing that memory as I try to rationalize through the denial
    of the dangers could have befallen us as we trekked off each day about a
    mile down the road to some guy's vacant lot, built forts out of branches and
    pieces of plywood, made trails, and fought over who got to be the Lone
    Ranger. What was that property owner thinking, letting us play on that lot?
    He should have been locked up for not putting up a fence around the
    property, complete with a self- closing gate and an infrared intruder alarm.

    Oh yeah ... and where was the Enadryl and sterilization kit when I got that
    bee sting? I could have been killed!

    We played king of the hill on piles of gravel left on vacant construction
    sites and when we got hurt, Mom pulled out the 48 cent bottle of
    Mercurochrome and then we got our butt spanked. Now it's a trip to the
    emergency room, followed by a 10-day dose of a $49 bottle of antibiotics and
    then Mom calls the attorney to sue the contractor for leaving a horribly
    vicious pile of gravel where it was such a threat.

    We didn't act up at the neighbor's house either because if we did, we got
    our butt spanked (physical abuse) here too ... and then we got our butt
    spanked again when we got home.

    Mom invited the door to door salesman inside for coffee, kids choked down
    the dust from the gravel driveway while playing with Tonka trucks (remember
    why Tonka trucks were made tough ... it wasn't so that they could take the
    rough Berber in the family room), and Dad drove a car with leaded gas.

    Our music had to be left inside when we went out to play and I am sure that
    I nearly exhausted my imagination a couple of times when we went on two week
    vacations. I should probably sue the folks now for the danger they put us in
    when we all slept in campgrounds in the family tent.

    Summers were spent behind the push lawnmower and I didn't even know that
    mowers came with motors until I was 13 and we got one without an automatic
    blade-stop or an auto-drive.

    How sick were my parents? Of course my parents weren't the only psychos. I
    recall the boy from next door coming over and doing his tricks on the front
    stoop just before he fell off. Little did his Mom know that she could have
    owned our house. Instead she picked him up and swatted him for being such a
    goof. It was a neighborhood run amuck.

    To top it off, not a single person I knew had ever been told that they were
    from a dysfunctional family. How could we possibly have known that we needed
    to get into group therapy and anger management classes?

    We were obviously so duped by so many societal ills, that we didn't even
    notice that the entire country wasn't taking Prozac! How did we survive?
  2. prpbmw

    prpbmw Millennium Member

    Likes Received:
    Jan 5, 1999
    Western PA
    Reminds me of whe I got married.

    Invited my bother in law over for dinner. Wife made mashed potatoes from scratch as I would bnever allow box potatoes in the house.

    Brother in law says why are there lumps in these mash potatoes?

    He never had mash potatoes that were not made from a box.

    My mother in law is not the world's greatest cook.