Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you Still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs. When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it Is a valuable plant. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and the dead. Life is sexually transmitted. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said "Quit while you're ahead?" Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use The Internet and they won't bother you for weeks. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of Nothing. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks About seeing UFOs like they use to? Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?