Study: Spanked kids grow up to be happier, more successful.....

Discussion in 'The Okie Corral' started by ATL Peach Girl, Jan 7, 2010.

  1. ATL Peach Girl

    ATL Peach Girl ♥Meezers♥

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    Last edited: Jan 7, 2010
  2. Gallium

    Gallium CLM

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    I am completed surprised :faint::supergrin: . None of my kids have been immune to spanking, and they seem to all function normally...

    The link extrapolated below :)



     

  3. aircarver

    aircarver Descent Terminated Silver Member

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    Among the 'dad-isms' my kids like to tweak me with, "You want to get spanked" seems to be a favorite...

    Thing is, when there's a credible threat, it usually isn't necessary to have to follow through..... kinda like we used to deal with errant nations......:supergrin:
     
  4. freespirit34

    freespirit34 BMFTSY

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    I got plenty of whuppin's when I was growing up. My kids also get them when warranted. We're relatively happy and well adjusted individuals (at least our shrink says that). Glad the liberal media has jumped on the band wagon. It's not any coincidence that kid guru Spock's kid committed suicide. He gave great advice. Now ... drink the purple Kool-ade ...
     
  5. Marc1956

    Marc1956 CLM #66

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    In my opinion and experience, spanking a child as punishment for bad behavior teaches that individual an important lesson: If you misbehave and get caught, you can expect to be punished for your transgression. The punisher should not spank in anger or for minor infractions, but I feel it is proper when properly administered. I was spanked, regularly, as a child because I deserved it. I was a mean little S.O.B. and did lots of destructive things for fun! My father used to tell me that "I spanked you out of self-defense"! I loved both he and my mother for their determination to help me do the right thing, or else! I turned out alright. Happily married, never any trouble with law enforcement (my son is LEO!), excellent credit score, own the company that my father started 46 years ago, President of a local Rotary Club, etc. I don't think I would have turned out quite the same if I had not learned about the consequences of improper behavior. Time out would have just given me an opportunity to figure out my next activity! Yelling at me would have taught me to yell back. Slapping me would have taught me humiliation. Threats without follow up are actually encouragement! We have next door neighbors with two young children that are not punished for bad behavior. They are yelled at, but never punished. We have the pleasure of cleaning up the things they break in our yard, have to watch when our garage door is open because they will walk right in and open the refrigerator and take what they want, etc. Not a good thing. I have a weapon, you see, and if I'm in the back of the house and hear a noise, I may investigate with my Glock. Would I shoot a 6 year old child? Of course not. But why not teach that child using any tools at your disposal including spanking? :wow: Great topic and I'm sure a flame suit may be helpful. As usual, YMMV!
     
  6. ATL Peach Girl

    ATL Peach Girl ♥Meezers♥

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    best.post.today.
     
  7. lwt210

    lwt210

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    Using discipline to change behavior for the better?

    What a novel idea.
     
  8. Chevytruckin98

    Chevytruckin98

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    Good to hear, this confirms what I suspected all along
     
  9. HKUSP45Css

    HKUSP45Css

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  10. ATL Peach Girl

    ATL Peach Girl ♥Meezers♥

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    Marc.......you are so spot on here it is scary!!!

    My dad was a career navy guy, very disiplined and he expected the same in us 3 kids. I was the rebel.....the oldest kid, and I never lived up to dad's need for good grades. I hated school, and got grounded on a regular basis. I think I got spankings too for goofing off and bad grades. He did make sure I stayed in school and graduated.

    My brother, the middle kid was a hellion, but popular and got good grades. He got picked up for shop-lifting a 39 cent fishing lure in HS with his buddy and my mother made he and his friend stay at the cop shop till dad went to pick them up. I think there was hell to pay.

    My sister was just the sweet little girl.....I don't think she ever even gave my folks a moment's worry......when me and my brother were experimenting with booze and drugs in HS and right out of HS, she says she never did try any of that. I believe it.

    Fast foward......dad's been gone now for over 20 years, died of cancer back in '86.

    I feel I have a great work ethic and work for a decent company in a job I do like with good pay. I don't have substance abuse issues, pay all my bills on time and have top notch credit scores in the 800's. It's all about being disiplined I think.

    My brother has his psychology degree and works for a big University, is married now for over 23 years and they have three great kids. No substance abuse issues and has a GREAT marriage.

    My sister too has been married for over 20 years now and she too has three great kids. She is married to a guy who has a wonderful work ethic with a great job.

    I do feel my dad's disipline in our childhood is the part of the reason for our successes today.
     
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2010
  11. HOV

    HOV

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    You asked for thoughts - here are mine.

    My past: my mother beat the living hell out of me when I was a child. She did not know when to stop. She did not have control over herself.

    She beat me because she didn't know how to communicate, or to parent properly. Beating was her substitute tool for setting rules and being disciplined about enforcing them.

    25 years after my tenth birthday, I still do not trust her and will never forget what she did. The physical violence she inflicted upon me has created a permanent chasm between us.

    My present: I have two girls, ages 3 and 0.5. I have never spanked/beaten/been physical with my 3 year-old, and I don't have to. I set the rules of the house, I enforce them consistently, and 3 year-old nature being considered, she is a very well behaved little girl.

    My thoughts:

    1. Kids mimic what the parents do. By being physical with her, I will teach her that's how relationships are supposed to be. I will teach her that it's okay to hit someone to solve a problem, or to get your way, or to dominate. I will teach her to fear my hand instead of respect me and the rules I establish.

    2. Some parents, like my mom, don't know when to stop. Since beating other people is illegal in civilized society, how can we condone it to be done against our smallest, most helpless members? Mabe YOUR parents beat you just right, but there are a lot of kids out there whose parents take it way too far. On the whole I can't condone beating helpless little children.

    3. Going back to point #1, kids generally mimic the parent. If a parent has a negative outlook, yells a lot, doesn't communicate with the child, is harsh with words, doesn't enforce rules consistently, provides a diet full of caffeine and sugar, does not create structure - and the kids misbehave, how the heck is beating/spanking going to help? The parent and parenting needs fixing, not the child.

    4. "Tough love" has nothing to do with physical violence. It's setting a standard, setting a fair consequence for breaking the standard, and following through with executing the consequence.

    If there's anything "pussified" about parenting technique, it's when a parent makes empty or unachievable threats ("If you don't eat your hot dog, I'm never letting you get out of the house again!"), doesn't establish consequences, or doesn't follow through with punishment. "Pussified parenting" has been going on since the beginning of humanity and is nothing new to this era.
     
  12. XNDR17C

    XNDR17C NRA Member

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    What I really would like to see is the percentage of Glocktalk members who got spanked compared to the percentage of DailyKos or Huffington Post members who got spanked.
     
  13. HKUSP45Css

    HKUSP45Css

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    Corporal punishment =|= abuse, that's why there are two different words for the differing behaviors. I'm truly sorry that you had to endure an abusive parent. To go on to say that all physical punishment is abuse is a non sequitar.

    There are many tools in a parent's box, to throw one out because some people mis-use it is just as wrong, logically, as to abuse the tool.

    I will agree with one point, spanking, in absence of discipline and proper parenting is ineffectual and just as illogical.
     
  14. TheGoonie

    TheGoonie

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    I think HOV raised some excellent points; it's not necessarily about physical punishment, it's about establishing a visible or expected system of consequences. The devil's advocate here would point out that the physical system of punishment teaches kids that it puts this expectation of non-compliance being punished with violence, which isn't really how it works in real life.

    To put that in perspective, yeah, I was spanked, but the harshest punishments weren't the physical ones.
     
  15. whoflungdo

    whoflungdo

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    I was spanked, grounded, privileges taken away, lectured, and reasoned with. I was never given a timeout. My parents used all the tools available to them as do I with my kids.

    +1. Well stated, reasoned, and explained...

    BTW, why is it only spanking that isn't used because some people think it is abused and not effective? I see timeouts work less of the time and continue to be used.

    Sometimes spanking is the only way to get the immediate negative feedback to children that is necessary for them to understand what they did is wrong or dangerous.
     
  16. 87'vette

    87'vette

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    This is going to hurt me more than it's going to hurt you! :supergrin:
     
  17. HOV

    HOV

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    Thank you.

    Of course my decision and opinion applies to my household only. This conversation is for the sake of civilized discourse, not to bash anyone who spanks their kid. The world is not black and white and I won't assume my perspective is right for everyone.

    I'll tell you why it does make sense for me to have thrown the tool out of my toolbox works. I'm 6'1", 200 lb. I work out a lot. I sparred a lot as a younger man and I know how to hit. Not having that tool in my toolbox forces me to do two things:

    1. Not get physical when my kid is driving me nuts the most. Of course she misbehaves, of course she drives me nuts, of course she makes me angry sometimes. It's at those times I have the least amount of rational thinking and the most likelihood of overdoing anything physical. Not having the tool in my toolbox is a measure of protection for both of us - I will never hit her out of anger and do something I regret, and she will never get hit by a strong, angry, 200 lb. adult human.

    2. I have to think through the problem. There have been many times where my wife and I realized that what we were doing was causing the problem. There were many other times when we realized we had to crack down on certain behaviors with no exception. But so far we have always been able to figure it out, and when we come up with the answer, we usually get the desired behavior modification within a short period of time, no physicality needed.

    This works well for us and our kid(s), so there are no regrets with leaving the spaking by the wayside.
     
  18. Annoyedgrunt

    Annoyedgrunt Dry Heat my ASS

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    I'm all for it, within reason. Like Hov said, for some parents it is a cycle of abuse, and may not have anything to do with whether or not the kid actually did something wrong. But kids need to learn discipline, and that their actions can have consequences.
     
  19. Panzergrenadier1979

    Panzergrenadier1979 Keystone Cop

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    My children know that there is an immediate consequence for bad behavior, whether Oprah agrees with it or not.

    Like was mentioned earlier, it's all about using the tools available. My daughter (now 8) couldn't have cared less about getting spanked when she was 3, but timeouts.....she would scream and beg not to be put in timeout (usually "timeout" = sit down in a chair/couch and dont' play with anything for 15 minutes). It was the most effective form of punishment for her.

    For my sons (5 and 4) timeouts are a joke; spankings are most effective.

    FWIW, my wife and I are friends with 2 couples who gleefully tell anyone within earshot "WE do NOT spank our children". Does it come as a shock that the behavior of their kids is downright obnoxious? (Our kids are actually afraid of one of these children.)

    Of course, my wife has the ability to simply give "the look" to our kids and they immediately cease their offending behavior......I don't seem to have this gift.
     
  20. HOV

    HOV

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    Much like everything else, the timeouts need to be done in a consistent and disciplined manner. They work well if done correctly.

    EDIT: I'm not saying timeouts are the only tool. Respect to the member above who did the analysis and came up with timeouts working for some of his kids but not others. If that's what works, it's what works.

    Another tool is to find the currency of the child and deal in that. Could be a favorite TV show, a stuffed animal, a video game, whatever.

    There are many ways to get negative feedback to children quickly.
     
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2010