Sorry, you cannot overcome this objection!

Discussion in 'The Okie Corral' started by GamerGirl, Aug 2, 2015.

  1. GamerGirl

    GamerGirl 100% Relevant

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    I've always been the type to capitulate when someone asks me for a favor. Loan you twenty dollars? Sure! I haven't gotten the fifty you owe me back yet, but it's cool! Dog sit for you? No worries! It was too much of a hassle when I needed you to do it for me when you lived next door, but I'll drive twenty miles each way to feed your four Clydesdales! I used to have a notoriously weak spine and people could sense it.

    Today a friend of a friend came to a party at a mutual friend's house. Her son and mine get along so well. She came up to me and joked my son and her son should spend more time together and asked if I could watch her son for two hours (as an aside, I don't want to watch him. He's honestly a handful) and said she was serious. Thinking she wanted a play date, I said today wasnt a good day and she said "oh no, this is for Wednesday!" And I said "This Wednesday?" And she said "oh no, this is for Monday and Wednesday between when I go to work and my husband gets off of work. It's two hours tops!"

    She wanted me to watch her child two days a week for the entire school year. Starting in a week and a half.

    I looked at her her, smiled, laughed, and said "oh gosh, I don't want to do that!". She paused, clearly stunned and said "you......don't want to do it? But the boys enjoy playing together so much!" And I giggled and replied "no, I can barely tolerate my own kids most days! I don't want yours too!". She was very taken aback and said "but it's just two hours" and I reinforced that I didn't want to and if I wanted two preschoolers at once I would have had my kids closer together. She started to tell me it was going to be less than three hours per week and the boys could play, like she was doing me a favor. I told her I had no desire to, but thanks for the sweet offer.

    It's amazing how shocked people are and how much trouble they have with you saying "NOPE! I don't want to do that!". First time I've ever done that with a non family member. I'm usually too concerned about being rude.
     
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  2. shotgunred

    shotgunred local trouble maker

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    That is what grandma's and day cares are for.
     
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  3. Zonny

    Zonny

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    Which party goer was next on her list to accost? Sounds desperate.
     
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  4. nursetim

    nursetim

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    I'd have told her, "sure, my babysitting rate is $200/hr. Do you want to start this week or next? :supergrin:"
     
  5. GamerGirl

    GamerGirl 100% Relevant

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    I honestly don't know! I normally I would have done it but since my youngest was born I just dont have time for other people's problems!

    I've called the past five or so years my "real adulthood" even though I've technically been an adult for a while. I don't have to answer the phone, return a text, or do a favor just because someone wants me to! I love adulthood! And seeing her freeze up when I said "I don't want to, sorry" instead of "im busy on Wednesdays!" Or "I volunteered with my sons class" or some other fabricated nonsense was so hilarious!
     
    Last edited: Aug 3, 2015
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  6. silentpoet

    silentpoet

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    One good indicator of a mentally healthy person is the ability to set healthy boundaries.
     
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  7. GamerGirl

    GamerGirl 100% Relevant

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    That's just another objection she had to overcome. "I don't want to because I don't want to", cannot :D
     
  8. Pope-onna-Rope

    Pope-onna-Rope

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    You are a 'pleaser', maybe, tough to say "no" to people, thus you're taken advantage of by folks that feel your time isn't as valuable as theirs....and maybe they feel you owe them.
    I know the feeling, as I am a 'pleaser', too.
    As I age, though, I please less and P.O. more. I used to let it roll off my back like water onna duck, now I decide that if I really don't want to or have time for something, I can say nyet more often.
    Of course, I don't play a doctor on the 'net so my take is useless at best.
    Good luck and hold yer ground.
    I'm still learning how to do it with some modem of politeness. Not working out so well .
    :cool:
     
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  9. 686Owner

    686Owner NRA Life Member

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    Did you only say no because you were on the "no roll" though? You had already said no because "today wasn't a good day" so when her request changed, it was easier to continue saying no. I've done that before.
     
  10. GamerGirl

    GamerGirl 100% Relevant

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    Oh, I got such a kick out of it! I am definitely a people pleaser in recovery! Being married to my sweet husband has helped so much. He's never judged me or given me a hard time for caving to people, but he is AWESOME at not putting up with anyone's crap and modeling that for me. I learned the world doesn't stop spinning if you don't do what someone else wants! So freeing!
     
  11. XDRoX

    XDRoX

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    No offense to you as I know you meant nothing by it, but I can't stand when people have the grandparents raise the kids while they are at work.

    It's probably more common in San Diego than other parts of the US because of the price of living here, but I know so many people that have their parents watch their kids while they are at work. It's very very common here for both parents to work because houses are so expensive. So most people I know have to both work in order to own a home. But I feel like it sucks for grandparents to work their whole lives and then have to babysit kids in their retirement. Most of the grandparents I know are just too nice to say no. Then meanwhile their kids are driving 2 $50k cars and living it up at the expense of the grandparents having to watch kids instead of being able to enjoy their retirement.
     
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  12. G30SF/F-250

    G30SF/F-250 Pinky Out Platinum Member

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    It's a good place to be. :wavey:
     
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  13. G30SF/F-250

    G30SF/F-250 Pinky Out Platinum Member

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    I could be completely wrong and please excuse me if I am.......

    Didn't your parents give you a house?
     
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  14. XDRoX

    XDRoX

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    The house we live in I bought. We also own a rental house that we bought. My parents did buy a condo at the beach for us to use whenever we want. But we didn't ask for it, they just did it. Plus I have to share it with my sisters :whistling:

    And I'm 100% sure that my parents would watch our kids if my wife wanted to work. We could have nice cars and lots of extra money if my wife worked. My parents only live 2 blocks away. My wife made more than me when she worked. But I've always felt it would't be fare to ask my parents to watch our kids when they already raised kids.
     
    Last edited: Aug 3, 2015
  15. *ASH*

    *ASH* FURBANITE

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    good for you . i notice in my older years im a no person to stupid **** . and my 87 year old mom is a yes person , i have to bail her out so much . my wife and daughters will tell you like it is in a new york minute . down south i was told i have hardening of the arteries :animlol::animlol::animlol: , SUPPOSEDLY it makes you coarse and salty

    but running a business i cant put up with bull**** . had a friend . as i said HAD friends who wanted us to watch their elkhounds for a week . now they take vacations all the time . i said hell no !!! board em . i told my ex friend to be a man and nutt up and save some money to board them for trips . people with money are some penny pinches sons a *****es .
     
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  16. GamerGirl

    GamerGirl 100% Relevant

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    Normally the more someone tried to overcome my objections, the more I'd be inclined to give. Not this time. :D
     
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  17. GamerGirl

    GamerGirl 100% Relevant

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    My mom would loooooove to be able to watch my kids for free, but it comes at a price. I am enjoying being an autonomous adult, and making my own decisions with my husband! Life is good! We have made good choices so far and have a freedom now that is like nothing I've ever known! Being out from under the guilt of family/friends wanting things is so freeing!
     
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  18. G30SF/F-250

    G30SF/F-250 Pinky Out Platinum Member

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    The condo must have been the thing that stuck in my mind. :wavey:

    I am sure glad that I didn't throw uninformed accusations and you spew retaliations and make us both look like a couple of ass's.:wolf:

    :highfive:
     
  19. *ASH*

    *ASH* FURBANITE

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    or experts :animlol::animlol::animlol::animlol:
     
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  20. Berto

    Berto woo woo

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    Seems a pretty reasonable response. Sometimes we overindulge in boundary-setting and basically tell people to FOAD over something trivial.
    Ok...you might not, but I do.:supergrin:
     
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