> SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE! > What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ? > The position of the dirt bag > > Why is divorce so expensive? > Because it's worth it. > > Why is air a lot like sex? > Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any > > What do you call a smart blonde? > A golden retriever. > > What do attorneys use for birth control? > Their personalities. > > What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? > 45 lbs > > What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? > 45 minutes > > What's the fastest way to a man's heart? > Through his chest with a sharp knife. > > Why do men want to marry virgins? > They can't stand criticism. > > Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? > Because those men already have boyfriends > > What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? > After a year, the dog is still excited to see you > > What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? > The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. > > What's the difference between > a porcupine and BMW? > A porcupine has the pricks on the outside. > > What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? > 'Are you sure it's mine?' > > Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? > Mace will do that to you. > > Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ? > Everyone has the same DNA. > > Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? > Breasts don't have eyes. > > Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi? > He walks around saying 'Yo.' > > Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? > Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it. > > Where does an Irish family go on vacation? > A different bar. > > Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? > They named him 'Sum Ting Wong' > > What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? > A speech impediment. > > What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast? > They're hiring. > > What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? > A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... 'a recipe'. > > How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? > Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*! > > What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? > A northern fairytale begins 'Once upon a time..' > A southern fairytale begins 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this ****'