Something to offend everyone

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by chr_edw, Sep 28, 2007.

  1. chr_edw

    chr_edw Holster Maker

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    > SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE!
    > What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
    > The position of the dirt bag
    >
    > Why is divorce so expensive?
    > Because it's worth it.
    >
    > Why is air a lot like sex?
    > Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any
    >
    > What do you call a smart blonde?
    > A golden retriever.
    >
    > What do attorneys use for birth control?
    > Their personalities.
    >
    > What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
    > 45 lbs
    >
    > What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
    > 45 minutes
    >
    > What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
    > Through his chest with a sharp knife.
    >
    > Why do men want to marry virgins?
    > They can't stand criticism.
    >
    > Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
    > Because those men already have boyfriends
    >
    > What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
    > After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
    >
    > What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
    > The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
    >
    > What's the difference between
    > a porcupine and BMW?
    > A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
    >
    > What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
    > 'Are you sure it's mine?'
    >
    > Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
    > Mace will do that to you.
    >
    > Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
    > Everyone has the same DNA.
    >
    > Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
    > Breasts don't have eyes.
    >
    > Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
    > He walks around saying 'Yo.'
    >
    > Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
    > Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
    >
    > Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
    > A different bar.
    >
    > Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
    > They named him 'Sum Ting Wong'
    >
    > What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
    > A speech impediment.
    >
    > What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
    > They're hiring.
    >
    > What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
    > A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... 'a recipe'.
    >
    > How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
    > Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
    >
    > What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
    > A northern fairytale begins 'Once upon a time..'
    > A southern fairytale begins 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this ****'