Home > The Main Room > The Okie Corral > Someone close to you dies & 2 funeral homes in town...

Someone close to you dies & 2 funeral homes in town...

  1. do you price shop the 2, or go to which ever is more familar & pay whatever price they ask?
  2. price shop, funeral homes etc... prey on people going through the grief of loosing a loved one. They are as bad if not worse then the stereotypical used car dealer.
  3. you go to who you think will take care of your needs. Your saying goodbye to a loved one for the last time. Price should be reasonable but not the first thing on your mind.

    Sorry for your loss
  4. Ummm. never had the occasion to do so.

    When my Grandmother died, Grandpa had her cremated. Gave the ashes to me. I'm to hold them until his time comes. And spread them as per their wishes. No funeral, no service. Just me(and my wife should I choose to do so)
  5. Price should be a factor to consider. Remember, a funeral is only for the living, not for the deceased. This is a way for you to show one of two things. Either you think so highly of the deceased that "money is no object", or, You are trying to impress the attendees with your wealth.

    Remember, the deceased has nothing to gain by either of the two choices you make.
  6. The time to buy a casket and such is before you die.
  7. I went through this with my fathers death and the various things he'd said regarding funerals and death over the years had made an impression on me: cheapest pine box available.

    Yes, I could have paid a LOT more than I did. And if my dad had been looking down from some other place, he'd have been wholly disappointed in my actions had I spent one penny more than absolutely necessary.

    Make the most of the time while they are living. Once they are dead, the train has left the station.
  8. Go with the one with the best reputation. Reputation is earned.
  9. When a relative of mine died a few years back, we cremated her, held an informal wake in her house with about 30 of the people who knew her best. Later on, her husband held another little get together with just her mom & brothers & sisters, and they poured the ashes into a lake she used to enjoy going to.

    The whole thing was a lot more meaningful to all of us than a formalized funeral where a hired preacher who never met her speaks about what a great person she was.
    Funeral home charges = 0, except for cremation fees.

    A few years later when my brother died we did the same thing again, and I'm glad we did.
  10. Sorry for your loss.

    I would go with a place you are more comfortable with. Generally places, especially so close in proximity, will be pretty close price wise. But, if you have had experience with one place I would go with them.
  11. That was a fine send off. Hope to do it the same way when my time comes.
  12. I am very sorry for both of your losses as well as the OP's. I will send out prayers for all families involved.
  13. This is a pet peeve of mine.. I think its important for the living to have funeral arrangements made. This keeps your grieving relatives from having to figure this stuff out after your passing. I don't mean this in a morbid way, but when I almost bought it a few years ago, one of the things I thought about in the hospital was how devastated my Mom would be, etc.. and I wouldn't want her spending a ton of money on my funeral. As it is now I've taken care of it and now nobody needs to worry about it. All they have to do is show up and act like they'll miss me.. :)

    Seriously, I think its something people should think about, young and old. Edit: I agree about using a preacher that knows you, rather than someone preaching a generic funeral. I'm sure our family pastor would step in and handle that role.

  14. +1 My brother was killed in a car accident in 2003, we went to the funeral home with the most class (it was right in town too) and it was only about 10% more in the end...didn't care though.

    Take care of the task at hand and figure out the money end last, sorry for your loss.
  15. funeral parlors (i dont call them homes, who lives there?) are known for raping the living when they are grief stricken. try to have somebody less attached help you with the funeral decisions.

  16. Well, I'd be dead. What difference would it make if I wanted a metal casket, but instead they shoved me thru a grinder?

  17. QFT.

    My family is under strict instructions to cheap it out to the max. I'm going to be dead. I'd rather know, while I'm alive, that when I kick it, they won't go out and blow a wad on some stupid overblown sob-fest.

    If anything, they should keep the money they would spend on a funeral and go to Vegas for a weekend.
  18. Always price shop but do it for the service they provide. Good service costs money and is usually worth it.
  19. I'd be happy as could be if my family was allowed to just throw me in the woods for the bears to eat.

    I don't see spending money on a funeral AT ALL.

    ETA, sorry. I forgot this was from someone specific. But seriously, shop for best price man, it doesn't mean you love the person any less. And sorry for your loss.
  20. When my wife died, I took her to the one to which she had taken her mom. I involved our adult children in discussion of the service, and had a preacher we both knew do the service. Bought a double wide plot close to where her mother and grandmother are buried...but I've told the children to have me cremated and sprinkle the ashes from the observation car on the Cumbres & Toltec Scenic Railroad (CATS RR). They can have my date added to the double wide marker...and drive my would-be grave robber crazy.
  21. I want a solid copper, gold or bronze casket so that when the archeologists find me they will assume all the others buried in the cemetery were my servants.
  22. When I go,......cremation. Party, none of that crying crap.
    Either celebrate my life's accomplishments or celebrate that my pain in the azz
    carcass has left the living! :supergrin:
    Eventually My remains will be spread over a NW Washington State mountain ridge.
  23. This, right here, is the type of logic that I love GT for.

  24. Funerals are more about the living than the dead, IMO.
  25. This was done by a crematorium near Chattanooga -- well over 100 bodies as I recall. Brought a lot of unnecessary grief to a lot of families...and a bunch of lawsuits.
  26. Federal law requires that funeral homes itemize and list their prices for the various services and products.

    Get a list from both providers and compare prices. Many will negotiate a lower price or price match to get your business.
  27. :rofl: You're smarter than that Drew...

    A funeral is not about the dead, its about the living. Funeral Directors can be real hawks on those that are grieving(thankfully most aren't). Sometimes family might feel obligated to throw some big broohah, despite the fact they knew your wishes were to be shoved through a grinder.. :)

  28. Funerals are ALL about the living, providing closure and solace.

    The dead don't care one way or the other about a funeral. They don't care about anything. They are beyond caring. They are dead.
  29. Do as I have done, go prepay for your funeral and pick out the casket and plans you want. My funeral is paid for and planned down to the songs and obit written. All the kids have to do is show up and look sad. Picking out a coffin/casket at the time of death is exactly what funeral directors love. How many times have people heard, "If you really loved him/her you will want to show it in a beautiful and lasting resting place (casket), bla, bla, bla.
  30. Agreed, there are only two in my small town. One has a dying, no pun intended, reputation because they don't pay their bills or pay them with bad checks which most merchants hold, call the bank and then run and cash it when there is money in the account.

    The other does it's fair share of business, has a good reputation of being professional and paying their bills on time.

    My family has used both in the past and had relatives that worked in the business years ago.

    When you call a funeral home at the time of a death unless you bury or cremate the deceased within 24hrs. you are probably going to have to have the body embalmed. So shopping around is something you are going to have to do pretty fast. As for what you spend, depends on what you want. You can get a bronze casket for $10K+ or go as cheap as a cardboard casket or cremation. Do you want a visitation one day and funeral the next or have them both on the same day? A weekday funeral is less than a weekend funeral? Do you want a heavy gauge steel vault or no vault? In this area the average cost is between $5000-$6000.
  31. A "cheap pine box" isn't always what you think. Some states have pretty strict laws on what is and isn't allowed for casket use.

    I saw one "cheap pine box" per the deceased person's wishes... It was a hokey homemade box (purchased from the funural home) that had a nail sticking out the side and the uneven varnish job was barely dry and the fumes were very strong. It was clearly made from scratch a day or two previous. I overheard someone say it cost $600-something for the "cheap pine box" coffin.
  32. In our area, most of the time families stay with the funeral home that that particular family has always used.

    We're lucky in that we have a very professional funeral home that our family has always used. I would rather these folks buried one of my loved one's than any other funeral home even if they charged half price.

    In my wife's hometown in SC, there are two longtime funeral homes. I would hate to think that I was going to be billed for a service that either of them provided. Very chintzy and disorganized.
  33. agreed 100%

    i had a recent death in the family and there was more infighting about who was to pay the bills then grief for the deceased.

    lucky there was enough to pay for the funeral for donations but the family rifts that it cause will be there for years
  34. My dad's side of the family always used this one particular business (though there were several to choose from) so when he passed there was no question who we were going to use. We didn't go the absolute cheapest (even though I know that's what he would have done) but we didn't do anything fancy either. Still ran $10,000. My dad was a wonderful man and no one in the immediate family begrudged a single penny that we spent to bury him and we would do it all the same in a heartbeat. What others have said is correct - funerals are for the living. We did what we thought was honorable without being excessive.
  35. FTM.......that would have been about right in our area for "good, but not ostentatious."

    Insurance sure is a wonderful thing....
  36. I'm a funeral director. We are not all blood suckers. Every profession has a few bad apples.

    Shop around and then negotiate but also talk to the funeral directors on staff and listen to your gut. Ask if they are family owned and operated.

    We've been in business over 100 years. We have watched our competition come and go. You don't last that long by taking advantage of your community.
  37. :agree:

    Pre arranging save not only time, but lots of families savings and checking accounts, from being drained when a family member passes away.

  38. Planning things out and taking care of things about my departure has been on my "to do" list for a couple years now. I don't plan on checking out anytime soon, but for some reason, I've been toying with the idea of builiding my own box as the ultimate DIY project. Guess I gotta check out the local burial codes and then come up with something unique...maybe with a hidden drawer to hold one of my Glocks and some spare mags just in case the "zombie" thing ever comes true. Or at least take care of any ground hogs trying to move into my pad. Bad thing is, I think it would creep me out every time I walked by it if I stored it in my shed.

    But back to the OP question. Do what makes you feel good, but don't get talked into spending money you don't have on a funeral. I've never heard anybody talk about a cheap funeral. Anybody that really loves the family and the departed isn't coming to the funeral looking for a show. Luckily, I've never had to deal with anything like that yet...but I know it's coming as my family ages.
  39. Best thing to do, is find out if they are both family owned and operated. This is the easiest way. Also the better biz bureau will have information probably as well. You can also look at what they do in the community, donations to churches, little leagues ect ect. My home town was the same way, really it boiled down to the owners personality. One was a complete ******, the other was really outgoing and lived life (untill he died). Talk to others in the comunity that have gone thru this recently too. Pricing can reflect certain things, look inside the building, at the cars they have, the property. 1 home might be cheaper but it could look like a used car lot with decor from the 1970s.

    Also ask the local clergy, check with all the local churches, Hospice chaplains, local cemeterys, Hospitals ect.

    No we don't. If you are a poor consumer, that is your fault. I actually have to recomend other funeral homes when I can't meet a family's requirements. Having way more than my fair share of family death's before the age of 20, I would rather see somebody get what they are looking for and be happy with a funeral home, than make an extra buck.

    Best answer.

    Many people actually do live in them. The problem with somebody less attached is they often times don't get or give the correct information to begin with. We many times have people call the funeral home asking for pricing. When we ask what services and what not the family is looking for, they usually are completely clue less.

    Some religions actually require them. A Mass of Christian Burial, is a required sacrement in the Catholic faith. Check with your local diosese if the body must be present or if you can bring ashes.

    Well if you are a Catholic dead, and you don't get your last sacrement that could be a big deal.

    I have been a FD for 9 years, I hold 3 diff state licenses to practice and am lucky enough to work for one of the highest regarded funeral homes in the DC metro region. A good funeral director will also look at alot of the factors I have mentioned above before chosing to work for a funeral home. I could be making big money up the street working for SCI, but I wouldn't be as respected in the area if I did.
  40. I've been toying with the idea of builiding my own box as the ultimate DIY project. Guess I gotta check out the local burial codes and then come up with something unique...maybe with a hidden drawer to hold one of my Glocks and some spare mags just in case the "zombie" thing ever comes true. Or at least take care of any ground hogs trying to move into my pad.

    Great Idea:faint:FULL CLIP
    Sorry I thought it would give credit to full clip
  41. Did not mean to mis-lead. This was purely hypothetical. Yes, there are two places in town that folks chose between. But I was just thinking "out loud" for future reference.
  42. There was a local farmer with large operation that passed a few years ago. Many, many people knew him. His visitation was in one of his large barns. I thought that was very cool. Can't remember if there was a keg there, but I told the wife to have one at mine!
  43. Check with local cemeterys for size requirements, along with the size of burial liners the casket will have to fit in. We had a family build an "urn" for Arlington Cemetery. Some how they made it the exact size of the actual space it needed to fit into. They didn't think to check with anybody untill the night before. :upeyes:

    Stuff like that is wicked cool, I know in NY you can't serve food or drink in a funeral home, but in VA as long as you hire a catorer with a liquor license it's all gravy. Shouldn't be a problem off site.