Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW? A: The porcupine has pricks on the outside. Q: Why did God create alcohol? A: So ugly people would have a chance to have sex. Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? A: "Are you sure it's mine?" Q: What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? A: Beer nuts are a $1.25 but deer nuts are always under a buck. Q: What three two-letter words denote "small"? A: "Is it in?" Q: What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer? A: A tick falls off you when you die. Q: What's the definition of mixed emotions? A: When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car. Q: What do call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? A: Your Honor. Q: What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? A: Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets. Q: Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? A: Mace will do that to you. Q: What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman? A: Sexual harassment. Q: What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man? A: $3.99 a minute. Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies? A: A bingo machine. Q: What do you call a Florida gynecologist? A: A spreader of old wives' tails... Q: Why do women prefer old gynecologists? A: They have shaky hands! Q: What do a Divorce in Alabama, a Tornado in Kansas, and a Hurricane in Florida have in common? A: Somebody's fixin' to lose them a trailer. Q: Why do chicken coops have two doors? A: Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan. Q: What's the difference between a woman jumping from a building and a virgin? A: The woman jumping is trying to die and the virgin is dying to try! Q: What's 40 feet long and smells like urine? A: A line dance at the old folk's home. Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? A: A prostitute will quit screwing you once you're dead. Q: What goes in hard and pink and comes out soft and mushy? A: Bubble gum. Q: Whats the difference between a pig and a fox? A: About four drinks. Q: What do a meteorologist tracking a snowstorm and a womans sex life have in common? A: Theyre both concerned with how many inches and how long it will last. Q: What do you call a man and woman using the rhythm method of birth control? A: Parents. Q: What's the difference between a brown-noser and a s***-head? A: Depth perception. Q: What do you call a lesbian Eskimo? A: A Klondyke. Q: What's the difference between a band that plays at weddings and a bull? A: On a bull the horns are in front and the ass**** is in the back. Q: What did Captain Hook die from? A: Jock itch! Q: How is a woman like a laxative? A: They both irritate the s*** out of you. Q: Why do men die before their wives? A: They want to. Q: What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a pitbull? A: Lipstick. Q: Why is a woman like a dog turd? A: The older it is, the easier it is to pick up. Q: What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild? A: Money. Q: If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag you, what have you done wrong? A: Made her chain too long.