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some new, some old , mostly funny

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by dhoomonyou, Aug 20, 2002.

  1. dhoomonyou

    dhoomonyou

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2002
    Messages:
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    Location:
    florida
    > Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing
    section in a swimming pool?
    >
    > The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
    >
    > I live in my own little world. But it's OK...they know me here.
    >
    > I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, Implants?"
    >
    > I don't do drugs anymore cause I find I get the same effect just standing up really fast.
    >
    > Sign In Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."
    >
    > Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
    >
    > If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
    >
    > I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected.
    >
    > If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys. But if it deals you a truckload of hand grenades...now THAT'S a message!
    >
    > I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
    >
    > Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley.
    >
    > I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.
    >
    > I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been giving me lately!
    >
    > Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
    >
    > If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
    >
    > How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
    >
    > Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
    >
    > The next time you feel like complaining remember: Your garbage disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world.
    >
    > Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled