* I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. * Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back. * Half the people you know are below average. * 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. * 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot. * A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory * If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain. * All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand. * The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. * I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met. * OK, so what's the speed of dark? * How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink? * If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. * Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. * When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. * Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. * Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now. * I intend to live forever - so far, so good. * If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? * Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. * What happens if you get scared half to death twice? * My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." * Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? * If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. * A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. * Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. * The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread. * To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. * The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. * The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. * The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. * Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.