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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So, before I get too far along, I'd ask that only serious answers be posted...jokes are fine, but we (my family) are facing some hard decisions right now, and I could really use some advice...even if it's from people I don't know from anywhere other than on here.

Oh, and for the one guy who I know to be from around here...PLEASE keep quiet about what you might read. You have my trust, so don't screw me over on it....


Anyway on to it -


This actually has nothing to do with my career. Oddly enough, my usually ****ed up agency is OK to work for, with the typical nonsense that accompanies any type of LE job, of course.

The problem lies with the wife's department. I'll try and make it brief, but a number of circumstances have brought us to a point to where she's probably going to resign. These include the inability of her agency to work with her on anything at all. For instance, her being permamently assigned to a specific spot, where she was recently temporarily assigned. There would be no contractual breach, as their contract allows for officers to be moved to other spots "at the request of the supervisor". Essentially, our lives require her to be on day work. More specifically, the area where she just worked had the hours of 0630-1430. I start work at 1500, so we simply traded off kids where I work at.

Not the best, but an acceptable, solution. So, she didn't have those hours in one division, but was on day work (patrol) in a different one. Those hours overlapped my start time by 30 minutes, which didn't work. So, she got a TDY to this other spot, and was hoping to get a permanent spot. One got put up, but a more senior person was awarded it. No biggie, as there are several more vacancies, but her major refuses to post the spots for them. In addition, she (and a couple of other senior folks...like with almost a decade or more of service each) were moved to other shifts in the division, yet the major allowed the newbies who just came off of FTO to remain.

In other words, plenty of spots, and she could probably get one, but the major won't post them...nothing we can do about it contractually, either.

Some of you may be asking why we don't just get daycare...well, because we have four kids, and we can't afford the $500/week it would cost. I already work 60 hours a week to pay bills, and am not going to kill myself for someone else to raise my kids.

Our previous daycare arrangements are no longer available, and that brings me to another problem....her mother. Her mom is in failing health, with numerous issues that include diabetes, congestive heart failure, and an inability to walk more than five steps at a time without sounding like she did a 100 yard sprint. Plus, she has bad knees, and that's not helping anything. In addition to all that, her mind is starting to go. She called me last week to talk to the wife, and couldn't remember my name. I've been her son-in-law for almost 12 years, and with her daughter for longer than that.

So, she put in for FMLA, and of course was approved....for unpaid leave. The chief will not allow her to use sick time (they have an unlimited amount) to help care for her mom right now...not even on an intermittent basis.


So, here's the current choices we have:

Stay there, move to late watch, and "try" to find somewhere the kids can spend the night when I'm not working all night (that's at least 3 days per week).

Stay on midwatch, and try to find money for a babysitter.

Talk to the chief and try to get a position elsewhere that fits our hours. (Doing that Monday)

Turn in her resignation, and find a new job. She's got 8 years in, on a 20 year and out plan.





Honestly, the last one is probably what's gonna happen. For those who share the same faith, it would seem that God wants her to move on...to what, we don't know, but things have progressed from hard, to harder, to impossible with her job. There have been things posted from time to time about her agency over in Coptalk, but if anyone wants the rundown, I'll do that in a different thread. Trust me when I say that there has been a mass exodus from her agency, and that around half of the officers on it have under three years on. Time was, every other person had 15+ on, and it wasn't odd to see 25 or more. But, it's rare to see a 20 year guy stay around, due to the issues the department presents its staff.

So, what would you all do? We have four kids, 3 of them are 5 or under. We homeschool, and that's not something even remotely on the table for changing. I do mornings, she did evenings, plus took them to their activites. Yeah, we work screwed up hours (my off duty and her special details screwed things up), but we strive to give the kids a regular life and some stability with our hours.

If she resigns, and cashes out her retirement, we'll have a substancial amount of money to hold us over on bills...somewhere around a year or so. But, should she do that, the retirement rules have changed, and if she goes back in, she starts over in the new system, which is 25 years and out, with other differences, as well.

If she finds another job (her degree is in biology), it won't likely pay as much. Plus, she'll be the new one in the office, so to speak, and will likely be the first to go if layoffs hit. With 8 years on, and a no-layoff clause in her contract, that's not happening.


Just wondering what the rest of you thought...and honestly, we'll likely end up divorced if she stays, simply because her job puts so much stress on us. Well....it's not her "job", it's the ****tards who run it. Check out www.lmpd.com and look at the stories and comments to see what morale is like, and how they're being screwed.

**** them, really.




And again...I know there's a member here who is on there. I'm asking you, as a friend, to keep this to yourself. Things are bad enough without putting this out as common knowledge around the department.
 

· Mr. Awesome
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12,878 Posts
Sorry to hear things are difficult for you and your family.

It would be a shame to throw away the 8 out of 20 she already has. Could you and your wife go talk to the Chief and try to work something out? I don't know what kind of person you are dealing with, but if he is at all reasonable he may be able to get her in an area that will work, if only for a short while, until things ease up at the Agency. Use her experience as a lever to show her value. Experience is something that takes time to gain. If the Dept. is having problems, her experience is an even larger asset. Make sure he knows this.

Does anyone you work with have kids the same age that may be able to lend a hand?

The price babysitters get is insane. I think I would rather live on a tighter budget than without my wife, but only you know what your relationship with her is like.

Best wishes to you and yours.

-nikerret
 

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Man, sounds like you have a major problem. I mean I know about the issue with different shifts. My wife works weekends and I work a rotating schedule. We have a child that is 6 months old. I know that my agency has bent over backwards for me. They are amazing. However I was counseled last month because we couldnt get a baby sitter over the weekend. Either I took off or my wife did and we didnt get paid. She is an hourly employee that doesnt have benefits or leave.

Lt told me that shift work is the nature of what we do and to try to deal with it. Right now it is fine and no problems. After January my parents are moving here and I will have a free weekend baby sitter. I also told my Lt that I was interested in taking the SRO job. Our current SRO wants back on the street. So I would have a fixed schedule. It would be good for everyone.

Now as far as your life is concerned. Is your wife capable of getting another LEO job in the area? (or should I say willing) Are you willing to do something else? Jobs are hard to come by right now and it will get harder. So even if she quits it may be impossible to get another gig.

Have you thought about going to your church and finding someone willing to work to take care of the kids?

I certainly hope that this works out for you.
 

· Crazy CO
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In all honesty this is one reason why I think it's good for the mother to stay home while the kids are young. However, FMLA if she could get the paid version would only be 12 weeks, then she still might get the boot, depending on her current department's administration. If there is no way to get someone else to look after the kids for a while, she might consider resignation. I would hate it too of course, having that much time in on a 20 year out plan, but it sounds like they are not willing to really work with her at all. The other approach would be to get the union or fraternity if there is one to look at this, and see where they could go with it, or a lawyer and see why she is not allowed to use paid sick leave.
 

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I do feel for you and your wife. My 86yo mother in law lives with us, she has terminal cancer. I also take care of my 89yo mother. My wife had to give up her job to be the caregiver for her mother. I am lucky in that my superiors are the best anyone could ask for.

Any dept. is as good as the people that make up its ranks, from the top down. Being a caring human being toward your troops should and attempting to help with their problems only makes for better officers. I second the motion to have a talk with the Chief. Tell him you just want to be able to do the best job for him and so does your wife.

Good luck.
 

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For the short time, I would encourage her to NOT resign for the simple reason that you would be losing her paycheck (witout cashing in retirement). I would suggest leaving the retirement alone unless absolutely a last ditch requirement.

Let me ask this...If you are home schooling anyway, is there ANY way the kids could go see grandparents for a couple of weeks until you two can get this stuff worked out? Might do you both some good to be able to discuss things freely without the worry of little ears listening, or other distractions.
 

· Why so serious?
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Bro, I really feel for you, touch choices.

One thought I have is that with the current economy quitting to find a new job may not be one of the better moves.
Better to keep the current one while applying elsewhere (LE or non-LE).

Also, put the feelers out for cheap or buddy-buddy dare care options. You might find a temp solution to ease things.

Wishing you the very best of luck.

TBO


 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
OXCOPS;11899755 said:
For the short time, I would encourage her to NOT resign for the simple reason that you would be losing her paycheck (witout cashing in retirement). I would suggest leaving the retirement alone unless absolutely a last ditch requirement.

Let me ask this...If you are home schooling anyway, is there ANY way the kids could go see grandparents for a couple of weeks until you two can get this stuff worked out? Might do you both some good to be able to discuss things freely without the worry of little ears listening, or other distractions.
Grandparents are out.


Her mom is ill, as I mentioned, and that's part of the problem. My mom lives an hour north of here, and works full time as a nurse, in addition to being in the Army Reserve. She's going to Panama next month with them, matter of fact.

My dad and stepmom live over 6 hours from here. Dad hasn't dealt with a baby since my sister was little (she's pushing 30), and they already have to take care of my great uncle. He's missing a leg from the knee down, and is on a colostomy bag. He's also around 93 years old, so they've got their hands full with him. Even though they (Dad and stepmom) are both retired, dad runs guided hunts on the land he lives on. Being that it's in the middle of hunting season, I'm sure he's a bit busy right now.

So, no family available. Sis is an hour away, and unemployed (she's an attorney...kinda ironic, isn't it?), but there's no way she can handle the kids. She doesn't have any, is single, and has no experience dealing with any kids...much less my four heathen children. :whistling:


A bit of an update...

She went in to the chief's office today (he's got an "open-door" policy) to talk with him. He wasn't in, probably due to the pursuit and eventual shooting of a robbery suspect overnight (guy stole a patrol car during the pursuit, too...how funny is that?), but she talked to one of the Lt.Col's. She thought it went pretty well, so we'll hopefully see something later on today or tomorrow.

Thanks for the tips, and if anyone is near Louisville...do you wanna earn some money watching kids?
:tongueout:
 

· Zombie Jeebus!
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Tough choices my friend - If there is any assistance I can offer let me know. Hopefully her supervisory staff will come around and do the right thing. Keep us updated.
 

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Hey if lived there I would watch your kids for you. But Im not so my offer is purely for show and I think I am going to hell for it.:supergrin:

Good luck man. I really wish I could do something for you.
 

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wprebeck;11900695 said:
Thanks for the tips, and if anyone is near Louisville...do you wanna earn some money watching kids?
:tongueout:
I think CJStudent (from CT, don't think he trolls JBT) is in your area. Maybe you can bribe him!
 
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